7

My friend invited me to her church and I went to the Sunday service. However, I didn't really enjoy the way the pastor communicated his ideas with us and he repeated a lot of the same things over and over again without adding a lot of evidence or analysis. I found this kind of boring and I want to keep going to my own church's service.

How do I tell my friend that I don't want to keep going to her church without hurting her feelings?

  • 13
    Why do you think just telling her “I prefer my own church” wouldn’t work? – AsheraH Jan 8 at 5:44
  • Is your friend aware of how different the Sunday service is at your own regular church? – user8671 Jan 8 at 8:08
  • Are your churches the same denomination? – Astralbee Jan 8 at 10:51
  • @AsheraH I'm not sure if it will work because she's very passionate about her church and I'm not sure how she'll react to that – Alexander Shen Jan 8 at 17:48
  • @Kozaky My friend knows that the Sunday service is different from my own regular church. – Alexander Shen Jan 8 at 17:50
11

It's nearly impossible to ensure someone's reaction to something you say/do. I agree that you don't want to hurt your friend's feelings, and that's a good goal, but ensuring her reaction to your statement is very difficult.

There are ways to express preference, however, that have helped me in the past and have displayed sensitivity toward the recipient. That's an approach that has worked for me in the past.

First of all, I approach the invite from a position of gratitude. "Thanks a lot for inviting me! I'm glad that we got to worship together". That sets the stage that you appreciated it and enjoyed your time together.

Then I express my desire in a way that is only reflective on me. "As much as I enjoy worshipping with you, this church isn't for me. I get more out of my current church." Then show that it's about your reaction to the church: "Do you want to come to mine next Sunday?" That shows your preference and that you want to worship together - just not at that particular institution.

If she asks why: I find that explanations for my preference never work out the way I intend so I stay away from them. "Why isn't my church for you?" "I'm sorry, it is just not for me. It's nothing that we'll fix and it doesn't change our relationship - I just find it's not for me." - and leave it at that.

  • Thanks for your advice. I will try to follow what you have told me when speaking with her. :) – Alexander Shen Jan 8 at 17:47

Your Answer

By clicking “Post Your Answer”, you agree to our terms of service, privacy policy and cookie policy

Not the answer you're looking for? Browse other questions tagged or ask your own question.