5

I am Chinese living in Bangkok Thailand since I was born. My parents are from country side Chinese in Thailand. They met each other in Bangkok and started living here.

My dad is 67 years old. Retired since he was 49. My family survives by trading gold. He does not has any kind of disease except his long eye sight. No Alzheimer. My mom is 66 years old and starts to show signs of old age.

When my mom is very tired from other housework she will call for my father's help. She has taught him how to do everything. So he knows what to do but failed to do it correctly after some time.

Specific problem:
He is purposely undercooking food in order to save money on gas which is causing me health problems (diarrhea)

Former Solutions:
1. I explained to him that I don't mind to pay for gas. It works for a short while.
2. I told him "If you are not be able to cook properly then I am not going to grant you a seed money and new wife to you". It ridiculously works longer than first solution!

Question:
I would like to know how I can aproach my dad so that he will cook things properly since it's affecting my health.

  • is the gas in small bottles, or is in piped into your house and you pay a monthly bill? – Kate Gregory Jan 14 at 21:31
  • 1
    Would it be workable for you to start cooking the meals yourself? And have you discussed the actual problem with your father (telling him that the undercooked food is causing digestive problems for you)? – Upper_Case-Stop Harming Monica Jan 14 at 23:02
  • @KateGregory It is 30 kg bottle. When it is empty. Somebody in house will move it up to 3rd floor. If I were there I will do it. – Sarit Jan 15 at 5:18
  • @Upper_Case I had discussed with him many times. Seems he was playing joke by using my foods. He got this bad behavior from countryside people. Learn cooking is good idea. It is final solution. Thank you for your sharing. – Sarit Jan 15 at 5:40
4

You have tried talking to him about it, and he "forgets"/returns to his old habits. I am not sure there are any magic words that will fix this, you just have to nullify his attempts, maybe even shame him a little if you feel that would work.

The simplest solution is to sit down, open a piece of meat see if it is cooked or not. If it isn't cooked then make a comment like:

"oh no you under-cooked it again Dad, are you really that poor you can't afford the gas to cook safely?"

Then take everyone's meat to the cooker and cook it for a few minutes until it is cooked. Maybe waste some gas whilst you do it, take the food off turn round and chat while it is still lit.

This does not require complex cooking skills.

This has the advantage that it stops him saving any money, in fact it will cost more as you are having to get everything hot again (especially if you have a chat about it).

  • I have been doing your answer for 5 years with dinner. In the morning I just skip that dish and eat others. Sometime jackpot! I like your answer because it has magic word – Sarit Jan 16 at 3:27
  • @Sarit oh sorry. – WendyG Jan 16 at 9:45
0

Just because someone cooks for you doesn’t mean you need to eat it. The trick is to not cause too much offense.

Dad, I love you, but I have a delicate stomach. Please don’t cook my portion tonight. I’ll get some chicken rice / dim sum / whatever. Would you like me to get anything for the rest of the family while I’m there?

This way, you leave your parents to manage their own actions (who cooks & whether to cook), while you manage your own dietary needs. And you do it in a respectful way that rejects the food but not the relationship.

Nobody likes to slave over a stove only to have the result thrown away. After a few rounds of uneaten portions, it is likely that your dad would get the message and either improve his culinary skills or, more likely, stop cooking. Either way would help reduce food poisoning from his current cooking habits.

  • but I don’t like your cooking -> not (too much) an offense? Maybe, but 99% of the time, will be perceived as (a big) one IMHO... – OldPadawan Jan 13 at 17:37
  • @OldPadawan That’s the point that the OP wants to communicate to their dad, so it needs to be there in some form. It’s about how to do it in an effective way, so that she can avoid food poisoning from his cooking but not mess things up too badly, interpersonally. – Lawrence Jan 14 at 1:06
  • 4
    I think the point to communicate is: "I don't like this dish the way it's cooked", and it's a big difference in the wording."I don’t like your cooking" puts the main problem on the person who cooked, not on the food/dish. In order not to upset someone (like your dad, friend...), better put the blame on the dish/you. Makes a difference BIG time I believe ;) You let them know you won't eat it, don't lie, but deflect in a way that won't be seen as rude most of the time... – OldPadawan Jan 14 at 9:09
  • 2
    @Flater The way I understood the question, the OP is trying to get the dad to not cook, as opposed to asking the dad to cook and then wasting it. The dad’s cooking because the mum wants/needs a break. – Lawrence Jan 14 at 14:26
  • 1
    @Lawrence: In either case, if the decision to not eat the food is made before the cooking; that decision should be communicated before the cooking as well. There's nothing to gain from withholding your (final) decision until after the food is cooked. If OP wants to do it on a case-by-case basis (and eat it if it actually looks good), then they obviously can't inform their dad before the cooking - but a warning/reminder may still be desirable. – Flater Jan 14 at 14:30

Your Answer

By clicking “Post Your Answer”, you agree to our terms of service, privacy policy and cookie policy

Not the answer you're looking for? Browse other questions tagged or ask your own question.