I’m thinking about mailing flowers and perhaps some tasty snacks— anonymously of course.

This friend is often uncomfortable with romantic situations, particularly ones where reciprocity is of question. So I hope to do something to just make her feel loved and happy for a moment without inducing a goulish nightmare.

Another note is that I live in another city and have a busy schedule, so making any kind of personal appearence is not a possibility.


They live alone.

As for decoration, I’d say mostly casual with the exception that the flowers would clearly signify the Valentine’s Day-ness of it.

Final Update:

I asked them what they would recommend as a gift to a very special someone on valentine's day, then sent them that gift. They were "actually very surprised".

  • 5
    Why is your love secret? Why do you want to keep it secret? Have you ever done anything like this? How did it go? What exactly do you mean with "uncomfortable with romantic situations"? Where are you from? What does your friend enjoy? I'm sorry that I'm asking you such personal questions, but you have stated that this could end in a "goulish nightmare" but have given us like one and a half sentences of information to work with. Don't you think that given such a possible and perhaps likely outcome, you should offer more details to get a better solution?
    – Raditz_35
    Commented Jan 27, 2019 at 20:02

2 Answers 2


I would deeply caution against any large anonymous gestures. There are too many ways it can backfire. Especially if this girl has discomfort around romantic gestures to begin with. You may end up convincing her she has a stalker, or even if not that extreme, it will likely make her uncomfortable, which is not what you are going for.

Instead, I suggest showing her that she is appreciated. A small gesture, from you, that shows that you care about her. As you want to avoid a largely romantic scenario, keep it simple. You probably don't want to confess your love either. Buy her a cup of coffee. Or a book you know she'd like. Spend an afternoon doing an activity you know she likes but doesn't do very often.

There are many ways you can be kind to her without it being romantic. And this will make her feel appreciated, which is what you wanted.

Also, can I just say, if someone doesn't like romantic overtures, they probably won't like them if they don't know who they came from.

  • Ok, but the only suggestion I can do from this is buying a book, because I can’t displace myself on that day. Any other ideas?
    – anon
    Commented Jan 26, 2019 at 4:38
  • 6
    @JoeD She's your friend. Something meaningful to her.
    – Summer
    Commented Jan 26, 2019 at 4:42

I think you are getting sound advice here. If this person is fond of you, which you hope she is, then there is no better move than to send her something thoughtful to let her know you feel that way. If she likes movies you could send her a ticket. If she likes music you could send her a playlist. Mostly, what I have found woman respond to is a gesture that shows that you are listening or paying attention. Even a Skype date to watch a show may be perfect for the right person. In any case, I think your life, and hers will only improve with open and honest communications.

It is the little things that count especially when they are the right things a friend can count on. I know of no tale where a secret admirer prevails.

  • 1
    While I agree with your advice, I have to contradict your last sentence. Sadly, there are many tales where a secret admirer prevails.
    – user11235
    Commented Feb 3, 2019 at 1:13
  • 1
    I sit corrected but there are so many more tales where secret admirers move into the unrequited love category.
    – Jimalaya
    Commented Feb 4, 2019 at 16:07

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