How can I reach out to a new guy I might have offended?

Question

I met this guy last summer, we'll call him Chris.

My friend was dating his roommate. All of us hung out in a group that night and I ended up sleeping at his and his roommates place just on the couch. Him and all his roommates also work out at the same gym as me so after spending the previous weekend with them I saw Chris at the gym but he acted all awkward as if he didn't know me so I just left it. This went on for months until the same group of us were out months later at an event.

He came up to me that night said he's seen me at the gym, knew he knew me and should have said hi blah blah blah. I ended up going home with him that night, just sleeping over no sex. We texted the next day but no msgs to hang out after that but he would say hello when he saw me at the gym.

Months go by again and I saw that he liked me on a dating app. I liked him back and we've been texting for a couple days now, made plans to hang out next week etc.

We were talking about the event we "hooked up" at last year and I said "I'm definitely going to get tickets this year, it was so fun last year! a lot more fun since you decided to stop ignoring me after months and months.. .. just kidding  Hope you have a good day!" No reply yet for hours…. I'm a little worried I offended him or maybe he thought I was just digging.. Really I was just teasing him because I'm not upset about it.

If I don't hear back, how do I best tell him that I was just joking and didn't want to upset him?

Answer 1

I think the problem with how you responded:

a lot more fun since you decided to stop ignoring me after months and months.. .. just kidding

Could come across as a bit passive-aggressive. You may have genuinely intended it to be a light-hearted joke, but it's difficult to gauge tone with any non-verbal communication. I've had messages like this before on dating apps, and honestly, it put me off because it's really hard to know whether it was a genuine joke, or whether there is an underlying tone of hurt feelings and/or attention seeking.

Online dating can be brutal. Even if this is someone you've met in real life too - he probably doesn't know you well enough to be sure of your personality, and this may have been a red flag response for him.

To answer your main question, I think you can handle this one of two ways:

1. Don't respond again and let him be the one to resume the conversation. If he chooses not to, then move on and accept that you probably won't see him again.
2. Send another message, but don't reference your previous message at all. Trying to convince him it was really a joke is a bad idea and may just end up sounding defensive. Better to start a new topic of conversation and hope he will respond. The less significance you put on your last message, the better chance he'll move past it and continue to engage with you.

Edit: Just to add that, if you don't hear from him again, it's also possible (likely even) that he's just met someone else and is taking the easy option of not telling you this directly. So don't feel bad that he may have taken offense at your message - you may never know this, and it's pointless to assume the worst case scenario if the result is you feel bad for no reason.

Answer 2

I find that the best way to interact with someone and get a sense of where they are is to talk to them in person, when an electronic communication has gone awry. In this case, I think you should wait a while to see if you hear back, and if not just feel out the situation when you meet next. To be honest, from your back story it does seem like this behavior is going to be pretty typical, but my personal experience is that to truly get an understanding of where someone is would be in person at this point, if you can get that opportunity. You don't necessarily need something to say, you just need to find out if there is a problem. If not, you can just move on, and if so, you can address it personally and he can actually see you respond rather than trying to infer from text.