I met this guy last summer, we'll call him Chris.

My friend was dating his roommate. All of us hung out in a group that night and I ended up sleeping at his and his roommates place just on the couch. Him and all his roommates also work out at the same gym as me so after spending the previous weekend with them I saw Chris at the gym but he acted all awkward as if he didn't know me so I just left it. This went on for months until the same group of us were out months later at an event.

He came up to me that night said he's seen me at the gym, knew he knew me and should have said hi blah blah blah. I ended up going home with him that night, just sleeping over no sex. We texted the next day but no msgs to hang out after that but he would say hello when he saw me at the gym.

Months go by again and I saw that he liked me on a dating app. I liked him back and we've been texting for a couple days now, made plans to hang out next week etc.

We were talking about the event we "hooked up" at last year and I said "I'm definitely going to get tickets this year, it was so fun last year! a lot more fun since you decided to stop ignoring me after months and months.. .. just kidding  Hope you have a good day!" No reply yet for hours…. I'm a little worried I offended him or maybe he thought I was just digging.. Really I was just teasing him because I'm not upset about it.

If I don't hear back, how do I best tell him that I was just joking and didn't want to upset him?

  • 4
    Hello Kimmy, welcome to IPS! As it stands currently, your question is asking what you should or shouldn’t do; which isn’t something we answer here on the site. Could you narrow it down to a specific goal you wish to accomplish with our help? The message you sent to your friend seems passive aggressive to me and could be interpreted in the wrong way imo. Maybe you could ask in your question for help in apologizing to your friend or asking if it offended them in the first place. Be specific! :)
    – Anilla
    Commented Jan 31, 2019 at 2:08
  • It seems more likely that this is just a continuation of the behaviors you've already observed from this guy several times than a new behavior caused by being offended (whether he was, in fact, offended or not).
    – Upper_Case
    Commented Jan 31, 2019 at 20:27
  • I took the liberty of editing the question to reflect what I think is your goal. Feel free to reject it if it's not what you're looking for. Commented Jan 31, 2019 at 22:30
  • Could it simply be that, right when you sent your text, he... well, I don't know, simply had something to do (work, or something like that)? Freaking out because you did not receive a reply within a few hours, or even a day or two, sounds a bit odd to me ;)
    – Mowgli
    Commented Feb 4, 2019 at 4:49
  • I don't know if I'm off base with this guess, but... any chance that he could just be shy or intimidated by you? If you're like most of the women I've been around, when you saw him at the gym, and it was awkward, you didn't actually talk to him, you just made sure he was aware you were there and waited for him to talk. If he's intimidated by you, he's not going to talk first. That doesn't mean he doesn't like you. He might need you to take the lead - maybe just at first, until you convince him you're interested, or maybe he's submissive and he needs a woman who can take charge.
    – Ed Grimm
    Commented Feb 4, 2019 at 6:39

2 Answers 2


I think the problem with how you responded:

a lot more fun since you decided to stop ignoring me after months and months.. .. just kidding

Could come across as a bit passive-aggressive. You may have genuinely intended it to be a light-hearted joke, but it's difficult to gauge tone with any non-verbal communication. I've had messages like this before on dating apps, and honestly, it put me off because it's really hard to know whether it was a genuine joke, or whether there is an underlying tone of hurt feelings and/or attention seeking.

Online dating can be brutal. Even if this is someone you've met in real life too - he probably doesn't know you well enough to be sure of your personality, and this may have been a red flag response for him.

To answer your main question, I think you can handle this one of two ways:

  1. Don't respond again and let him be the one to resume the conversation. If he chooses not to, then move on and accept that you probably won't see him again.
  2. Send another message, but don't reference your previous message at all. Trying to convince him it was really a joke is a bad idea and may just end up sounding defensive. Better to start a new topic of conversation and hope he will respond. The less significance you put on your last message, the better chance he'll move past it and continue to engage with you.

Edit: Just to add that, if you don't hear from him again, it's also possible (likely even) that he's just met someone else and is taking the easy option of not telling you this directly. So don't feel bad that he may have taken offense at your message - you may never know this, and it's pointless to assume the worst case scenario if the result is you feel bad for no reason.


I find that the best way to interact with someone and get a sense of where they are is to talk to them in person, when an electronic communication has gone awry. In this case, I think you should wait a while to see if you hear back, and if not just feel out the situation when you meet next. To be honest, from your back story it does seem like this behavior is going to be pretty typical, but my personal experience is that to truly get an understanding of where someone is would be in person at this point, if you can get that opportunity. You don't necessarily need something to say, you just need to find out if there is a problem. If not, you can just move on, and if so, you can address it personally and he can actually see you respond rather than trying to infer from text.

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