I have a couple of friends/co-workers that I really respect and like to spend time with or talk to. We have good conversations and have similar interests.
However, I feel like if I ever talk to them about family issues I'm having, they jump to conclusions or are overly judgmental about how I'm trying to handle things.
How can I approach these individuals about this without risking losing them as friends?
Names used are not real.
If I were to talk to one of these friends, Alice, about something my boyfriend or my brother, both of whom live with me, are doing, she will either tell me that I'm handling it wrong no matter how I clarify, or assert that I should do "x", regardless of how I point out that "x" is either overkill or would cause more problems. The other friend will also do these.
Another example is if I mention something is bothering me, the other friend Mary insists that the cause is "y" and I won't fix the problem unless I deal with "y". (Such as headphones causing my chronic migraines. I've had these migraines longer than I've used headphones, and I don't use headphones nearly as much as she thinks I do.)
It feels like I'm being judged or lectured when I just need someone not so invested in the situation to talk to me rationally and listen to what I'm going through. Sometimes, if these are the only such people I have to talk to and I really need to talk to someone. I feel like I'd be better off paying for a counselor than talking to my friends about my problems. I sometimes get the impression that these friends, one is in her 30s or 40s and the other is in her 40s or 50s, are treating me like a child. I'm 24, so there is a significant age gap here.
I could well be overreacting, but I'm not the only one who noticed. Some of my other friends, Carrie and Joe, have noticed the same things about these two.
I want to let these friends know that I appreciate their views, because I do and I do consider them, but they seem to be very judgmental and pushy. I don't know if it's because I'm so much younger than they are, so they think I don't know what I'm talking about, or if they just really feel that they can't be wrong. Frequently pushing their views on a subject under discussion makes me feel uncomfortable. I feel like I can't talk to them about serious issues in my life without being lectured about what they think I should or shouldn't do.
Alice seems to have noticed I've been avoiding talking to her about these things and has mentioned it to Carrie. Neither of us knows how to tactfully explain that her reactions are what's got me talking to the others