I have a friend who is very intelligent but terribly absent minded who sends the odd gift out every couple of months and then announces every year that he will be coming over from the United Kingdom (I live in New Zealand) for x number of days and never thinks of asking me if it will be alright. He claims that he has to come out when he can get leave from his job (he has more than enough money to retire) and doesn’t really know when that will be. Unfortunately when he gets here, he is sloppy and makes a lot of mess, particularly in my bathroom and I get exhausted with him in the process.
He seems to get more and more absent minded each time he comes. As a person who has to watch her pennies I find this infuriating. Although he buys the odd meal, I have asked him to contribute something towards my groceries as he eats like a horse and any leftovers are demolished by him pretty quickly which is annoying for me as I often make enough so I can use that with a meal the next day. I think he also thinks by sending all these gifts (some still have price tags on them and can be quite useless) he thinks he is entitled to stay here.
Last year my parents went to the United Kingdom and as his house is a bit of a mess they didn’t stay with him but they had arranged with him to show them around some of the landmarks as my father has (he has stayed with them often too) but my friend couldn’t spend much time with them because had to do some DIY for a friend and only spent a couple of hours with them. I was horrified as my parents have been great when I may be at work or whatever.
I feel this friend is a bit of a freeloader as we have given him some very nice hospitality etc over the years but he couldn’t even take the time to be there for my parents when they had already organized it with him when they went on their own trip. Mum is pacifying saying it’s ok but I feel frustrated as he announced the other day he is due over again sometime in August.
I want my friend to ask me before he decides he wants to come over rather than just announcing he will be here in August.
How do I prevent an absent minded friend from inviting himself to stay with me every year?