In spite of my current mental health, friends, family, and health care professionals* often tell me to consider getting into a relationship without telling me why I should get into one.
As a rhetorical question: would getting into a relationship not make things worse for me and/ or negatively impact a potential partner? I cannot say that I want to get into a relationship due to extremely negative biases against it but said peers usually dismiss my fears and make me feel worse about myself for being "childish".
To expand upon the negativities I feel, I have not been in a relationship before because of secondhand experiences close friends and family have had with his/ her partner(s). Such experiences include (but not limited to):
- Parental divorce due to adultery (ParentA & ParentB).
- Second parental divorce due to step-parent's physical and mental abuse of ParentA; physical abuse against step-parent's own children; tax evasion; child support evasion; etc. (ex-step-parent has since been dealt with legally).
- ParentA being in relationships after that ended due to partners being emotionally distant from ParentA due to unmet expectations.
- Sibling being in a relationship that ended due to cheating.
- Sibling being in a relationship that ended due to emotional abuse/ obsession of partner.
- ParentB emotionally abusing me unconsciously for 10 years due to divorce 2 decades prior. I have since moved out of ParentB's house on my own.
- ParentB raising sibling and I to be subservient to a partner in a relationship. Physical appearance was policed to meet stereotyped standards of how a female should look and how she should act.
- Friend currently at risk for physical abuse by spouse who is experiencing mental health issues.
- Several peers split/ divorce being left alone with child(ren).
- Several peers dealing with aftermath of sexual abuse.
- Unrelated: I do experience symptoms of misophonia to both sounds and visual triggers so being close to people in general is unpleasant. However, I am taking small steps to reduce my reactions to those triggers.
I do acknowledge that not every relationship will end so poorly and my own experiences can be drastically different (and even positive) but because a majority of my peers have been or are currently in bad relationships that put his/ her physical and mental well-being at risk, I keep fearing that I will be in the exact same situation. Until I can resolve my mental health issues, I do not want to be in a relationship.
How can I ask my peers why they keep pushing me like this without being seen as naive or pitiful while still being able to get an appropriate response explaining why they keep insisting about this (barring the whole, "I want grandkids" thing)?
Notes and clarifications:
- As asked in the comments, counselors have brought up relationships after asking about my sexual orientation. To my best understanding, he/ she asked to ascertain whether I am in denial and/ or repressing preferences or desires. I am, to my best knowledge, hetero/ asexual.