So I met this girl on Jodel (sort of like social media, but it's anonymous and you only can connect with people in your area) a few weeks ago and we have been chatting nonstop since then on Kik (messaging app, also anonymous, only usernames no real names). I'm male.

We really have so much in common, she shares my humor, etc. I really feel a connection there. We met under circumstances I'd describe as "getting to know new people in this area", but after a while the conversations got really flirty and I had to lie if I said there wouldn't be any romantic interest involved. I guess weither there could be more or we just stay really good friends depends on if we feel attracted to each other when we meet or something.

It's not the first time I met people on Jodel, and to this day I can still count some of them as really close friends. Since I share such common interests with this girl I wanted to exchange phone numbers and/or meet up in person.

She declined both, which made me really confused at first. She then explained that she has met someone from Jodel before and it was a really creepy guy. Given that, I can understand why she does not want to meet up quite yet, however I'd like to bring the topic of meeting up or exchanging phone numbers in the future again in order to get to know her better and make a stronger connection. With this Kik messanger, I always feel like there is a high chance of people just ghosting each other after a while.

Also I'm sure she's not acting or catfishing me. We "talked" via voice messages and exchanged some pictures. Sure, it's no guarantee that she actually is interested in me too or if it just concludes in a friendship. But atleast she's real and shares a lot of interests and opinions.

How can I bring this up in the future (not right know again, because I already asked her a few days ago, maybe in 2-3 weeks or so, I don't know) without it being to pushy? I'd really enjoy getting to know her better and in person. However I don't want to be seen as one more of those creepy dudes she already is scared of. Maybe I could explain to her my reasoning behind asking again?


3 Answers 3


How can I bring this up in the future

What about telling the truth? And expecting the same in return? You don't want to be neither the "weird guy", nor the "ghosted guy". In any "relationship", people have to make some efforts in order to help/support the other side. You moved a pawn one square ahead (already asked) and got a response: a defensive move back (negative answer). It's her choice. Respect it.

Now, you'd like to know what she wants to do in a close future.

without it being to pushy?

There we go back to "telling the truth". You can talk to her again about what happened, and explain that you understand and respect her decision (expand as needed, explain your point of view, but not too much, not being pushy or intrusive). In order to be even more respectful, you'll wait for her to ask you out now. Whenever she's ready, and willing to do it.

If she doesn't bring the matter back, at one point or another, you'll have your answer. And you'll be able to decide what to do next. Patience and Respect are the keys here.

Not only do I do that all the time with my girlfriend, and she does it in return, but I realized that, as time goes by, that it works with people outside friendly relationships. It gives the other party an opportunity to deflect, or say no without using words, by just (not) making moves.


I don't use Jodel but from the description on the app page (https://www.jodel-app.com/), I guess that Jodel is the equivalent of a subreddit or a Facebook group dedicated to your area. I have been leaving abroad for many years now (10+ years in a few countries and cities) and what I notice is that most people use these tools as a way to get and give information, and share valuable information with the community. In general, direct communication between members is frowned upon, mostly because of problems of sexual harassment. In short, Jodel is not Tinder.

That said, it seems that you are bonding with that person on a personal level, and are more than simple members. Since anonymity is important on Kik, I don't think we can say you are already very close to that person. Meeting you in real would be a significant step in your relationship.

You offer to meet her and she refused. You have to accept it. From my experience, the only thing you could do is to offer her to meet for a specific event. For example, if you learnt online that she likes rock music and there is a festival in your town, you may offer to go there together. This is better because

  1. this is less intimate than a simple meeting to see each other in real life. She doesn't have to show as much about herself, and she is somehow protected from a bad surprise, like with the creepy guy she met online.
  2. this opens the door for her to come with one or several friends. You may suggest a group meeting yourself.

Even though our online life is now part of our daily life, it is still difficult for many people to cross the line between online life and real life and many would feel vulnerable when "importing" a relationship from one life to the other.


I like oldpadawan's answer but I would put an intermediate step in place, wait a while then suggest doing something big and very public together. For example a big organised charity bike ride, park run etc.

I am not saying film or theatre as they are very intimate activities and sound like a date. But going to view an art/sculpture/photography exhibition is better.

Or if you are gamers find a board game exhibition.

Something you can both turn up to individually, and leave individually, don't ask for contact details just say "I am doing the thing next Friday, It would be lovely to see you there, I will be easy to spot the guy in the dinosaur suit".

This puts the ball entirely in her court. There are 3 possible results:
1) she turns up, do not ask for contact details or to walk her home, say "this was great we must do it again sometime".
2) she doesn't sound enthusiastic, drop it and never say anything again.
3) she responds sounding honestly upset she can't make it and asks you to mention another event, try again in the same way.

why this is a good idea, you aren't explicitly inviting her on a date, just asking her to join you in an activity you both already enjoy. You aren't making any firm dates arrangements, commitments, or getting any extra information about her privately.

As you aren't there "together" she can leave at any time (and don't try to make her stay any longer).

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