My girlfriend isn't a citizen of the US and I am. We've also have only been dating for 4 months.
So when we first started dating she said that if I wasn't ready for commitment in the range of 1-3 years, then we should reconsider continuing our relationship. She laid out her reasons, with the main one being she needs a green card, but also most of her friends/family are married already. We're in our late 20s and in her culture women are typically married before that age. My own thinking was that 1 year seemed too soon, but 2-3 is reasonable if we're happy in our relationship. I told her that I can't predict the future, but if we're happy then I don't see why we couldn't get married.
After 3 months together (1 month ago) she pressured me to move in together. It came down to an ultimatum of we live together or we break up. I really liked her (loved?) so I caved. In my mind the worst that would happen was we break up and she moves back out.
So recently, she's been hearing about all types of family issues back home and she brought up marriage to me. She knows I think it's WAY too soon so she began begging me to marry her. From what she said, she wants to become a citizen and be a pathway for other relatives to come to the US. Her begging went as far as offering to pay me. Each month, I donate $100 to a foreign charity that I strongly believe in. She brought that up and said that "why can't I help her if I'm willing to help those people?" We argued a lot, but are now in equilibrium again. She told me that by helping her I'm helping her entire family and the younger generation.
As strange as it sounds, I do believe she cares about me, but I also think she needs to think of her family. Everything she says tears at my soul and makes me feel horrible. I want to help, but I know deep down that this isn't what I should do.
I want to lay out reasons why this is a bad idea. Here is what I want to say:
Both of us could get in severe trouble. Even if we "love" each other, the US is going to be extremely suspicious of a marriage after only knowing each other for less than a year.
I'll be required to support her for at least 10 years. Even if she doesn't sue me for support, the government could if she ever goes on unemployment.
I could lose half of everything in a divorce, even with a prenup because I've heard a lot of times those aren't enforceable.
A wedding, ring, etc are all expensive. She already mentioned we don't need this, but it's going to look even more suspicious if we don't have any of it.
We just don't know each other well enough. So while I believe I love her, any marriage at this point is fraud even if no money is involved.
My friends are going to think I'm "crazy" and probably assume there are other motives (which there are of course). They already thought I was crazy to move in together so soon.
I have other issues that I also need to worry about, such as my dad's failing health.
How can I lay out my reasons to her without reading them off like cold facts?