I have been with my girlfriend for 6 months and she moved in with me about 2 months ago. Outwardly to my friends and family she is very sweet and kind, but they only know the person she appears to be. I've talked to a couple very close friends and a sibling about the issues we have so they know how the relationship really is in private. A few of the issues with the relationship include:

  • She pressured me to move in when I thought it was too soon. I regret giving in to this.

  • She gets upset/mad very easily so I feel like I'm walking on egg shells.

  • She has disrespected me in ways I would never do to another person, let alone my significant other. This includes screaming at me at a busy street corner.

  • Asking to see my phone to see if another girl has texted me.

Initially, I wanted to fix the relationship, but I didn't get far. When I brought up her yelling at me on a street corner she cried and blamed me for not "being patient enough" with her. Then when I brought up how easily she gets mad at me she told me that "I guess my ex was right that most guys can't handle me". For reference, her ex is still trying to get back together with her.

I've decided I think it's best if we break up, but I've never broken up with someone before. Although I'm 26 and have been in a few relationships, all of my past girlfriends have either broken up with me or been amicable breakups. My parents absolutely love her and think she's the sweetest girl in the world because I've hidden our issues from them. This makes me think they will think I'm in the wrong for breaking up with her. I'm also concerned for her well-being post-breakup. She is an immigrant without many friends and is struggling at her job right now.

Another concern going through my head is how she will move out. She has a temper so I'm afraid she won't make it easy to separate our stuff and be civil about moving everything. I'm not too concerned about her stealing stuff from me intentionally, but I have a few things that hold a lot of sentimental value that I don't want to lose.

My question:

How can I break up with her in a civil, kind manner, but also show her that I'm serious?

  • 1
    When she moved in with you, how “legal” is it? Do you own the place, did she co-sign the lease, is she paying rent, ...? – AsheraH Apr 4 '19 at 5:50
  • Would it be an option for you to move out? – XtremeBaumer Apr 4 '19 at 6:13
  • @AsheraH I am only renting the place and she is not on the lease. She also doesn't pay any rent or utilities. – user20999 Apr 4 '19 at 13:03

Your best approach is to be honest with her. You're not happy and feel the relationship isn't working out. Breakups are never easy and yes, she's likely to be upset and maybe even angry during the conversation. She's likely not to be surprised if you've spoken about the situation previously and things haven't improved.

Before you have the conversation, and if you're able to do this discretely, move any items that have sentimental value to a relative's house. This way the worry that she'll take them or damage them in retribution is taken away.

If she has nowhere to go to, immediately give her a deadline to which she needs to have moved out and stick to it. I've been in the same situation myself with ending a relationship where my partner moved in too quickly and it wasn't working out so can sympathise with how difficult it can be.

The main thing is, be honest, be calm and stick to your guns.

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    If OP wants to be extra nice, also check if she has anything coming up, like exams or the like, and if in any way possible wait until after that event. Though this is definitly no need. – XtremeBaumer Apr 4 '19 at 8:11
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    "She's likely not to be surprised if you've spoken about the situation previously and things haven't improved." Based on his description of her personality, I expect she would act very surprised regardless. Sounds like she is guilty of emotional manipulation already, and is likely to resist the relationship ending. – Will Appleby Apr 5 '19 at 12:20