Some context: I started dating my boyfriend a few weeks ago. All has gone well so far but we're both new to this so we're taking it slow.

The other day, we were with some of our friends playing a game at a friend's house and it ended late (around 1 in the morning). My boyfriend walked me home since it was dark and I lived close by. He usually takes the bus home since he lives a bit outside town, but it was late and the buses had stopped running. He instead had to take an expensive taxi.

I wanted to ask him if he wanted to stay over so he wouldn't have to pay all that money. We even have a couch he could sleep on if sharing a bed with me was a bit much.

However, I couldn't figure out a way to frame the question without it sounding like I wanted to "sleep with him", so I stayed silent about it and he took the taxi home.

I feel like this will probably come up again later on in our relationship as well. As the title says, any suggestions on how to invite a significant other to spend the night without implying sex?

  • Are there any reasons simply saying it wasn't meant that way, in case he would understand it? In such a situation I think it isn't at all neccesarily understood as such offer. Or are you asking more for advice how to tell, that you don't meant it that way? As it is, I don't see why "This wouldn't imply sex at all" wouldn't suite as an answer.
    – dhein
    Commented Apr 9, 2019 at 13:47
  • 2
    @dhein a few-week-old relationship is a delicate, fragile thing. It seems implied that OP feels it would've been awkward to say it outright or would've sent the wrong message (ie: then making the partner think of sex or imply that there will be sex in the future, etc...).
    – scohe001
    Commented Apr 9, 2019 at 13:51
  • 1
    I suppose that could work. Just say it upfront that you don't mean it like that, but yes. I am very nervous about making things uncomfortable between us
    – Grimmy
    Commented Apr 9, 2019 at 13:52
  • @scohe001: yeah, that's what it seems like. And since its not clear to me I asked for clarification ;)
    – dhein
    Commented Apr 9, 2019 at 13:52
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    @XtremeBaumer: As I mentioned in the post, we've been dating for only a few weeks and are taking things very slow. This is my first relationship and I'm not sure how these things normally progress. We haven't even kissed properly yet, so I don't want to escalate things by discussing sex so early on. So no, we haven't talked about this yet.
    – Grimmy
    Commented Apr 9, 2019 at 14:26

2 Answers 2


I was in the same situation as you just a few weeks after I met my fiancee. It was very late and we were near my apartment which was about 50 minutes from hers on public transportation. I invited her to stay for the night so that she wouldn't have to take the train and walk to her apartment alone so late at night.

Rather than asking her to stay the night, I told her that she was welcome to stay on my couch. She ended up staying and there was no awkwardness or any talk of sex. By setting the expectation that you will sleep in separate places, you can present him the option of staying while avoiding the discussion of sex for the time being.


This is a really, really tough issue, because people tend to be pretty vague and indirect when they want to have their date spend the night for sex. If you bring it up at the end of an evening when you are both kind of tired it's going to be very difficult to get the phrasing just right. This is one of those discussions where you need to be a bit prepared and composed.

So have a discussion about having him just sleep over at another time, when you are both relaxed and awake and you are prepared with what you want to say. Refer back to that evening and say that you wanted to spare him the taxi ride but felt awkward about offering the couch. Talk it through so he understands what you want. There's a pretty good chance he might have wanted to do exactly the same thing but didn't want to impose on you or give you the wrong idea. This way when the situation happens again, you can comfortably offer him the couch and he knows exactly what's going on.

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