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My daughter in law has a close friend that wants to come for Easter Sunday dinner. She invited herself.

She is a very sweet girl and I normally do not mind having her around. At the same time, she is very disruptive in the family. She's very loud and tries to monopolize the conversation. She makes the rest of my family feel uncomfortable and awkward. I'm just kind of torn, she doesn't really have a family to spend time with.

How do I politely tell my daughter-in-law not to bring her?

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closed as off-topic by Ælis, avazula, sphennings, Rainbacon, ElizB Apr 24 at 18:19

  • This question does not appear to be about interpersonal skills, within the scope defined in the help center.
If this question can be reworded to fit the rules in the help center, please edit the question.

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    Is this dinner otherwise a family only affair or is anyone else bringing friends over? – AsheraH Apr 20 at 6:54
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    I'm voting to close this question as off-topic because this question is currently lacking details. Feel free to edit the question with details if you wish to see it reopened. – Ælis Apr 23 at 8:42
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    @virolino it seems pretty clear that each of the uses of 'she' refers to the friend. – ale10ander Apr 23 at 17:21
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    @ale10ander while it may seem clear to you, not everyone here is a native English speaker, and those who aren't are at varying levels of proficiency, so something that seems clear to you may not seem as clear to others. – Rainbacon Apr 23 at 17:36
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    Fair enough, please accept my apologies if I came off as rude. I'll try to keep that in mind for the future. – ale10ander Apr 23 at 19:26
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I am aware that this might be a late answer for this year, but still, I will make an attempt.

You tell about the friend:

  • "she is a very sweet girl"
  • "I normally do not mind having her around"
  • "I'm just kind of torn"
  • "she doesn't really have a family to spend time with"

Although "she is very disruptive in the family", she is not a complete disaster. Combine this with the facts that:

  • Easter is just one time per year;
  • Easter is about us being reborn as newer better selves.

So having her around might be the better choice, instead of rejecting her.

I do not know why she does not have a family to spend time with. Because she relocated for some reason? Maybe she does not have a family left?

For two years, I live in a foreign country, with no family. For some reason, I seem to be unable to make new friends, so I spend most of the time alone (except some interactions at job, or other minor interaction in private life). I am usually a listener, on the introvert side. But when I catch somebody to talk to, I tend to become a defective unstoppable talking machine. It is just a reflex of my mind. Sometimes I become aware of this, but usually only after the other person really heard a lot from me.

So, as a longer-term solution, you might want to get to know this friend better, help her get her life settled better somehow, and things might solve by themselves. She will become even sweeter maybe.

She invited herself.

probably means

The friend self-invited herself.

What did you answer? If you accepted (even silently), for whatever reason, it is most polite to go along with your (unfortunate) acceptance. Especially since it is not just any day / evening, but a major social / religious event.

You have to be aware that it is not really possible / acceptable to ask for thinking time in such cases: "I will tell you in X days if I accept you".

So if you did not reject the self-invitation from the very beginning, it is too late now.

How do I politely tell my daughter-in-law not to bring her?

There are no right words. It will put you in a bad light in front of your daughter (in front of the friend also, probably), and it will put your daughter in a bad light in front of the friend also.

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  • Will you please explain your down-vote? – virolino Apr 24 at 11:09

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