So I've been talking to this guy for nearly two years now and we both know we really like each other. When we first started talking, he told me that he liked me but I wasn't able to commit to a relationship at the time since I was studying - I told him I will be able to start a relationship until I finished school (which was in a year from that time). Usually guys my age (late teens) would just up and leave but this guy was different. He was understanding and stuck by me.
We've both had our up's and downs in the past two or so years. My trust issues got in the way of our relationship/friendship at some points - I've only really started trusting him at the beginning of this year. I just find it very difficult to trust someone with my life due to past experiences. He's the first guy I've ever REALLY liked in years, and he would be my first boyfriend - so I wanted everything to be perfect.
We're not together, but we're not "just friends" either - it's really complicated. We do things that a couple would do (i.e kiss, dates, sex) but we're not official either. I'm not much of a talker, I'd rather sit back and listen to people since I learn better about them that way. We are quite the opposite, with him being more expressive with his feelings than me. So, I've never really openly told him how I felt in person. I've been waiting for him to ask to be official since I graduated high school last year but he hasn't asked yet. I'm also the type of person who takes the words "I love you" very seriously so I haven't told him that I do love him - even though he's told me he loves me. I did say it one time through text but that was because I didn't have the courage to say it to him face to face as I'm very shy in comparison to him.
Every time we get time to hang out, I think about asking him but I always back out and forget it completely - then hours later I regret not asking. I'd rather ask him in person than through the phone but I back out thinking he might not want to make things official. I'm just scared of being rejected - what if he doesn't want to take things to the next level? I want to tell him how I truely feel about him in person without being embarrassed and asking him about "what's next" for us. I feel like it's more personal if you tell someone how you feel face-to-face.
So my question is: how do I tell him how I feel in person without feeling embarrassed about it? Expressing how I feel is rare to both of us but I want to make this work - no matter what. So if it requires me to step out of my comfort zone, I will. I think that once I openly tell him my feelings, I will be confident enough to ask him if we should move the relationship to the next level.
I hope to express how I feel about him and our relationship when we see each other next. Building confidence to ask him to move things to the next level is also another goal of mine.