My appearance before college wasn't very appealing, so I am used to not talking to people and very little socializing. I would get social anxiety if I am alone and when in my neighbourhood would pretend to be on the phone till I get in my house.
When meeting a new person, the initial moments are fine for me as I have all general talks I can do with him/her, I will talk for little time and find some good excuse everytime, but for the very same person the second meet will be very hard for me and I would most probably try to pretend I didn't see the person walking by or be on the phone or pretend I am in a hurry and walk fast - just drop a hi and get in the house (for example new neighbors).
The fact I used my neighbors example is my family is living for 20 years and we have seen a fair share of new neighbors and I have had same experience with everyone. So what happens in the end is that any future meets get awkward, even they pretend to be busy.
The only thing changed after my college is my appearance, with a lot of natural changes I am very much appealing right now so wherever I go, I am approached with a lot of people and within the next 5 or 10 minutes they realise how boring of a person I am.
So I had enough of it, I am 27 now, I wanted to change so I knew best would be to go and have awkward conversations and get better. Its been 3 months something, getting harder than ever so I thought of getting help.
Would really like if there are any self help books in making conversations better which anyone has found it helpful personally, or any personal tips to overcome my fear from this and have better conversations than having social anxiety.
The only times I am better in this is when I am having a very bad day and in my head I am in thoughts like "hell with the world, if I don't please you, I don't care" attitude. Now this is great but works when I get angry but doesn't last long as this attitude is not boring and as soon as I start having good time, away from anger, I start getting nervous and anxious.
Please direct any way which you may feel helpful as it is a very sad life and I want to break free from it.