14

Three years back somebody of my group of friends got a girlfriend. Ever since he got together with her, me and the other friends of the same group did not hear from him again, despite our efforts to meet up again or just having a casual chat online. This feels a bit like he turned his back to us.

Yesterday my girlfriend and I got invited to the wedding of he and his now-fiance. We do not feel like going because of these last years, acting like nothing has changed.

There is a website where you can respond to the wedding. I do not want to be cruel in the response (wishing him all the best with his soon-to-be wife), but also not beat around the bush for the reason.

What would be the proper way to decline this invitation?

We're looking for long answers that provide some explanation and context. Don't just give a one-line answer; explain why your answer is right, ideally with citations. Answers that don't include explanations may be removed.

  • 5
    What do you hope to achieve by saying "I don't want to go to your wedding because you never hang out with us anymore."? Do you want to shame them into being your friend again? Do you just want to vent? Do you want to be friends with them again? – Azor Ahai Jun 6 at 21:35
  • 1
    Nobody of the group of friends is going to the wedding. I do think he will ask for a reason to me or another if not provided by us. – jdf Jun 7 at 8:08
26

I'd like to pose a slight frame challenge: why not go to the wedding.

You say you don't feel like going because, despite a good faith effort on your side to keep in touch, they never responded and you feel abandoned. It seems to me like you care about this person, and not going will only hurt your situation by enforcing the distance that you previously tried to reduce. If instead you attend the wedding, you have an opportunity to establish a means of communication again! If they are still interested (which they appear to be since they invited you), your original goal will be completed.

I have been on the other side of that equation. Years ago, I lost contact with a very good friend of mine when they went overseas to work and I stayed with my new family after my wedding. They tried to keep in touch, but I never really responded. This is despite the fact that I wanted to keep in touch myself -- I just didn't, to my regret. After many years of silence, we met again last Christmas and have reestablished our strong friendship, and are now talking regularly again!

For some reason or another, people lose contact. Life happens. Give them another chance; you have nothing to lose and everything to gain.

I wouldn't pass on that opportunity.

25

You're over-thinking it.

People who send out invitations want you to respond in a timely manner.

Not responding is literally the worst thing you can do. Respond with a simple "Best Wishes" and state that you can't make it. You don't need to give them a reason.

** Note: Got married last year. It was a giant pain when over 25% of invites was not responded to. Just tell me you're not coming so I can invite other people!!!

Some of the information contained in this post requires additional references. Please edit to add citations to reliable sources that support the assertions made here. Unsourced material may be disputed or deleted.

  • 2
    I've edited a comment from OP into the post: that they didn't want to beat around the bush for the reason. Can you explain to them why you're saying they don't need to give a reason? Can you add back up for that too, please? – Tinkeringbell Jun 6 at 19:15
  • Please provide evidence/reasoning for why this is the literal worst thing you can do. – curiousdannii Jun 8 at 1:23
  • @Tinkeringbell I see my comments here were deleted. Fair enough, that's policy. But this answer is still making wild unsubstantiated claims. Maybe this answer can get a post notice too? – curiousdannii Jun 8 at 1:24
  • 1
    @curiousdannii Done, my apologies for the slow response time. Nelson, please see my previous comment and curiousdannii's question as well, your answer does still need some elaboration on those parts. – Tinkeringbell Jun 10 at 8:50

Your Answer

By clicking “Post Your Answer”, you agree to our terms of service, privacy policy and cookie policy

Not the answer you're looking for? Browse other questions tagged or ask your own question.