I met this girl at my university. We started talking and it went on for about an hour. The conversation was really good. Later, I added her on Facebook, she said "We should get a coffee sometime" (in person) and I replied "Sure, I'll message you on Facebook" with a smile.

I've been trying to fix a time with her. But every time I ask to organize time/location she tells me that she's not too sure and doesn't reschedule as if she doesn't want to meet me.

I want to get a coffee with her but don't want to keep asking and getting it postponed repetitively. How can I schedule a time to get coffee with her while making it clear that I'm not interested in continuing the cycle of rescheduling?


2 Answers 2


From your description, it seems that your classmate's offer to get coffee may have been more of a friendly attempt at small-talk than an earnest desire to get coffee and spend more time with you. From what I understand:

  • She casually suggested that the two of you should get coffee sometime
  • You have attempted to schedule multiple times to get coffee
  • Each time she has said that it will not work for her and does not suggest a time that will work for her.

She may truly be busy and not able to easily schedule a time with you, or she may just be declining your invitations for coffee because she is not interested in getting coffee with you.

Instead of organizing the time/place for her, why not ask her to decide a specific time to meet up? I have had done something like this with several acquaintances and it helps to resolve any confusion around the other person's true feelings since they have to make a decision.

Hello! I know your schedule has been hectic lately, but I would still love to get coffee with you. Is there a certain day/time that we could meet for coffee in the next week or two?

From your interactions so far, it sounds as if she may not be comfortable being direct with you and telling you "no" if she doesn't want to spend time together. So if you want to be polite and give her an "out" that doesn't force her to be direct, you can add something along these lines:

And if you're busy, no worries!

If she has truly just had scheduling issues, then this will give her an opportunity to successfully organize something for the two of you. Almost anyone can slip in a coffee break at some point in two weeks. Alternately, if she simply isn't interested in getting coffee with you then she may say she is busy again. And at that point, I would interpret that as her not being interested, despite her initial suggestion to get coffee.

I have been on all sides of this scheduling issue (being too busy, being disinterested, making plans with a busy friend, making plans with a disinterested friend). In my experience, some people are too kind to say "no" so they continue to "be busy" to avoid hurting my feelings - with this strategy it at least helps quickly determine if they are busy or just indirectly saying "no".


I will answer this question in a total different way (aka frame challenge) as I'm someone who keeps rescheduling as well.

As Wrokar answer says, she did a friendly attempt of getting coffee but she is actually not interested in getting a coffee with you.

She is, either:

  • Not interested in you (I would not consider this as a deal-breaker and I'll explain why in a second);
  • Busy at all (unlikely);
  • Not into having a 10 minute small-talk (this case is very common for me, as I'm introverted/extroverted).

But wait, not everything is lost!

You also added her on Facebook and she send you a message to get a coffee and having in mind how the first impressions were for her, she even might be interested in knowing you better! (Otherwise, she would probably not message you at all.)

Instead of trying to schedule something with her, try to know each other better before anything (break the ice). You also said you are classmates so I'm sure you will see her sometimes at your uni, so, I would definitely try to chat during breaks or you can also keep contact on the social media.

It's really important to not exaggerate on these interactions as it can be annoying for her.

This helped me in multiple situations because people will be more "available" for you and you now can schedule things that you're both interested into.

Small-talk is something I really don't appreciate because it makes conversations boring and uninteresting and, as I am introverted myself, I would really avoid these interactions and keep rescheduling or saying:

I'm very busy now, can we talk later?

Saying no is too direct and might hurt your feelings so this line is a light way to say she doesn't want to talk to you.

Knowing her personality and keep things unscheduled (e.g having a walk after class) will give her freedom to choose what she wants and not be pressured by a date/time to meet up.

I even sometimes skipped meetups just because I was enjoying some TV series at home and didn't want to leave home at all.

This really helps for my friendships because having a scheduled time is stressful while unpredictable things makes me excited about it.

If she is still "busy"/doesn't want to meet with you, she is uninterested in you and there is not much you can do.

I've been on both sides (being uninterested/being busy) and it depends what the other person thinks of you at the moment and vice versa. I've had situations on long friendships that I just felt uninterested on the other person so it doesn't matter if it's a new friendship or not.

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