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I have a friend I met back in elementary school. We didn't talk for awhile but got reacquainted in high school, and at that time, we became friends on FB. I liked to send stuff to her if I found interesting or funny. However, one day during my junior year of college, I sent her a random meme, and she must have been pissed off, so she blocked me. At that time, I must have been too carried away with sending her stuff I found interesting or funny. 2 years later, I found out that she unblocked me.

I want to add her back so I can apologize and mend our friendship, but there's a chance that she may block me again.

How can I contact her and apologize for what I did two years ago without freaking her out? I want to mend our friendship and to prevent something like this from happening again.

  • Is it possible to send her your apology without adding as a friend? I wonder if it will reach her main inbox. – NVZ Jun 28 at 6:00
  • It is possible to message her before adding her back, but can I still send her a friend request before doing so? – Superman Jun 28 at 14:37
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Decades ago, I have been that "introvert brat" that could be carried away with people, thinking he's nice and funny, but annoying or hurting peolple; and realizing he's done big mistakes, but too late...

Then, either you get a chance or not. But when it happened, I felt soooo ashamed to face that person again that I would always keep a low profile. What I then understood is that "actions speak louder than words". So, I would just behave like if nothing ever happened, and, THIS TIME, finally, try and be nice.

And I also kept in mind that it might not ony be because of me that all this occured, I could just have been the one pulling the trigger. Because people have reasons to feel bad, and block people, and they don't have to tell everyone why. They cut everyone out, until they feel better. It might be the case here, never know...

If Alice1 unblocked you, you have this 2nd chance. I would just let her know I'm available again, and giving/asking for updates. Kind of: "Hi Alice, hope you're doing good. This and this and this happened to me since college, what about you?"

This way, you open a door, and let people decide what they want. You don't force them into anything. If she talks to you again, you have your answer, she may not be as pissed as you think. And, being nice and just chit-chat-ing with her will give you 2 important things: 1. her mood, and the way she's doing right know (good/bad/other) 2. an opportunity to apoligize if you feel like it's needed.

You may discover, then, that she was feeling bad because she had blocked people, not talking anymore to a lot of (former) friends, and needed time to think and been looking for answers to a multitude of questions.

Either way, at that time, you'll decide if you have to bring back those old (painful?) memories or not. During a conversation, you can always say something like: "oh yeah, you're right! This reminds me the time when I was sending stupid memes to people and annoying them. I was so silly." Depending on her answer, you may/may not need to go any further. One more time, it'll depend on your friend's attitude and personality.

I've behaved and done it both way, and it worked, but only when people were willing to forgive anyway. Just be aware that, sometimes, bringing back old memories just to apologize can be more painful than just sweeping them away. Be nice, give and ask for updates, show that you care and are not the same anymore, because, as I earlier said: "actions speak louder than words".


1 your friend's name

  • So do u recommend sending her a friend request and wait for her acceptance, or straight up message her following your format before sending her a friend request? – Superman Jun 28 at 14:36
  • In this case, I'd just start with the "be nice policy", and knock on the door. Send a friend's request, wait for her answer. If she says "yes", you could send a friendly message giving/asking for updates. Not familiar with FB (never personaly used it), but like IRL, I'd ask first, and if people agree, I'd go another step. Step by step, slowly, in order to not annoy them. You show respect. They can then stop anytime, and you have your answer without being "that bad guy" – OldPadawan Jun 28 at 14:48
  • Hmmm guess that FB is the best option; I will wait for a couple of weeks before I send her the friend request to show that I am not a needy person – Superman Jun 28 at 14:49
  • yup, that's what I meant ;) – OldPadawan Jun 28 at 14:50
  • Ok; I have seen cases where she has “unfriended” people but added them back (but much more quickly compared to my case); she may have waited for like days for others, but for me, it was like 2 years – Superman Jun 28 at 14:52

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