37 y/o male. Wife (33 y/o) and I have been married for about 7 years. We fell in love deeply and quickly and were married within 2 years of when we started dating. We never really discussed having kids vs. not having kids until after we were married, but the understanding was kind of always that we would...or at least I thought that's what it was.
We moved several states away from where we grew up shortly after getting married. Now, years later after almost all our friends have a kid or kids, we still don't. That's of course fine in-and-of-itself, it's just to illustrate the point that with me pushing 40 and her at 33, the time is upon on. We did discuss having kids about a year ago - a very serious and formal discussion where we went out to a nice dinner and everything - and my wife came away from that saying should would have kids. Now, a year later, she has changed her mind because, turning 33 this year, she just "thought she would want to by now, but still doesn't."
Here's the thing: my wife suffers from serious depression. I of course try my absolute best to do everything I can for her, but sometimes it seems there's nothing I can do. I love my wife with 100% of my being....but I really want to be a dad and I always envisioned myself becoming one. I know I will deeply regret it later in life if I never become a father. I'm open to the idea of adopting a child, if that even helps her with the idea of parenthood, but I'm not sure if it would...we've yet to discuss that.
Because of my wife's depression:
- She says she'd understand if I left her for another woman that want to have kids (I will not even consider this and it is insane to me)
- Doesn't think she'd make a good mother (again, wholly illogical thought not rooted in reality)
- Has no clear vision or plans for the future. When I ask her what she wants to happen, ideally, she just says she doesn't know.
Any feedback greatly appreciated. Thank you.
Edit: I suppose I'm just asking "what would you do in my situation?" I guess it sounds selfish, but I want to try and convince my wife to have kids...so if I had to have a single question, it would just be:
How can I convince my wife to stop listening to her depression and be open to the idea of having children?
That's what is really bothering me - that she seems to be letting her depression make this decision for her, and I KNOW for certain she would be so, so happy if we became parents!! I know my wife.