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This girl is from the same University as me, and we've been talking for a while and had some really nice conversations, having both of us truly engaged, and I kinda started to like her.

So I decided to ask her out today. Today we had our last exam before the summer vacation, but she was surrounded by people 99% of the time, and I just could not find a more intimate moment (just me and her) to talk to her about this. I know I could do this over text, but I really want to do it in person.

There are chances we'll meet at the firm I will be going for the summer practice program (she's at this firm too, but as an intern), but I just can't hope that we'll meet by accident over there. The fact that I know I won't get to see her so often makes pretty damn sad, unless somehow I will get to ask her out.

If I were to ask her in person, chances that she accepted would have grown and I would have made a better impression (I believe). Also, we've never talked over text, just face to face.

How to tell her I'd like to ask her out when we never talked over text or social media before and that my chances of being able to do it face to face are thin?

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    Hi Jim! Welcome to IPS. Unfortunately, questions asking what one should do are off topic here, because we can't decide for you what to do. Would it be good for you if instead your question would be phrased as "how to ask a girl out when my chances of doing it face to face are thin?" (which I assume is your situation since today was the last day before summer break?) Also, could you tell us why you would rather not do it by text? What is it that you don't like about it? No judgement here, it's important for us to understand the situation to be able to help you find the best solution :) – avazula Jul 5 '19 at 14:39
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    Hi! If I were to ask her in person, chances that she accepted would have grown and I would have made a better impression (I believe). Also, we've never talked over text, just face to face. Regarding the nature of the topic, I'm really sorry. If only I could edit the main question.. Later edit: I'm sorry, I did not see that edit button. – Jim Corey Jul 5 '19 at 14:43
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    @Jim you can: Hit the edit button underneath it (< Or click that link ;) ) – Tinkeringbell Jul 5 '19 at 14:45
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    Same difference, you have a way to catch up with her. Why are you reluctant to ask her for simple coffee or lunch or other friendly activity ? – MlleMei Jul 5 '19 at 14:54
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    At first, my goal is to get to know her better than I do right now and, if she likes me back, we could hang out together more and get in a relationship. Oh, this sounded so simple. – Jim Corey Jul 5 '19 at 17:50
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I think you're over thinking this. You were school mates, you know each other, you've had some good conversations. Your were not really friends, but you've been friendly. There's nothing weird about sending a facebook message to casually meet up. She knows you, it wouldn't be like receiving a message from someone she has barely talked to. You've never texted before because you met at school regularly. There's nothing weird about sending a short, friendly facebook message now. It's quite common actually.

I agree that asking her out romantically out of the gate might be a bit much. So invite her to some friendly activity. If there is something that you could do together that she would enjoy, ask her about joining. For example, you know she loves a certain band and there's a concert in town, ask if she's going because you're looking for someone to go with. Or the movies. Or you can really just ask to meet up for coffee or drinks (I wouldn't ask for lunch or dinner, this gives it more a date vibe).

You also have the added "benefit" that you two will be working at the same company, so if you're too afraid to ask her to meet up during the summer, you could ask her about getting drinks after a work day to see how it's going. All of those options are fine.

If she says no, it's not because you've messed up, or are out of line, or anything like that. If she refuses to casually meet up with you, this means she's not interested in even having a friendship with you, and would have said no in person too (or say a "Yeah sure, text me and I'll see when I'm free" and never be free). If she says yes, great ! This will give you the opportunity to ask her out on a romantic date in person.

To give you an idea how such a message could look like :

"Hello X, how are you ? I saw there's going to be a vintage flea market nearby and I remembered you like vintage stuff. Do you want to come with ?"

"Hey X, how are you ? I hope it's not weird, but since we'll be working for the same company soon I thought we could meet up and catch up ? Having a friendly face there will be nice :-)"

"Hello X ! I remember you're interning at company Y now. I hope it's going well. I'm working here, so would you like to catch up at lunch or after work some time ?"


I've never been in your exact situation, but like I said, texting people after knowing them casually for a while is quite common. The last time, it was someone I was barely friendly with (more friend of a friend that I saw at parties), I had her number because she was part of a whatsapp group I'm also in. There was a band I wanted to see at a concert, none of my friends were interested, I remembered she liked them so I send her a whatsapp message. We went together and are friends now.

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  • I've already texted her on Facebook stating that I would like to invite her over a coffee/juice/something else just because I'd really like to know her better. That's it, she still hasn't answered. – Jim Corey Jul 6 '19 at 11:40
  • @JimCorey All you can do now is wait. If she doesn't answer and you still want to try, you could maybe send her one more message when you're both working at the same company to see if she'd like to meet up after work or something, but that's it. – MlleMei Jul 6 '19 at 12:39
  • @JimCorey glad you reached out to her! Have you guys managed to meet up? – kiradotee Jan 27 at 23:31
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Unless she has a special condition, like anxiety, that would make her being alone with you uncomfortable (and according to your first paragraph I assume this is not the case) never ever ask people out or declare your feelings over text message. That's just cheap. Avoid love letters too. Prepare the best words you can find, Look her in the eyes, and say what you have to say.

Not only does texting feel cheap, it makes it harder to understand the reply. Emotions don't go well over emojis, jokes that would work face to face become offensive, it gives place to misanderstandings that can lead to the end of not only your chances to date, but also your friendship. It will also prevent you from getting closure in the case of a refusal, as you will keep pondering how you could have done better. Give it your best shot, face to face, and leave no place to regrets.

Furthermore, if your objective is to get to know her it will never work over text messages. People who suddenly start texting you a lot (enough to get to know her) are spooky.

It is hard to say how you can get to meet face to face without information about both your cultural backgrounds. In my native western europe, a text message proposing to take a coffee before you part for summer would be socialy acceptable. Parties at a common friend's place are good too (provided it is not a fraternity party with alcohol and strippers kind of stuff...). It is an hint, but less of a commit than say, going to the movie theater. Lastly, if she refuses coffee, don't insist.

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