2

Some friends are way too interested in our lifestyle and want us to share our whole lifestyle with them.

I tell you my story, that I am one of the meritorious students of my institute, and 2 friends want me to tell them everything what I'he done yesterday, what are my future plans and much more. They even calculate the time for each activity and expect me to tell the schedule of remaining time. They also want me to tell what I do to recreate my self. But I like to be free and don't want to disclose each and every moment of my life, as it leads to an unnecessary pressure which affects my day to day life. For this reason, I don't like to be with my friends and cut off as much as possible. You would ask me to say 'no' to my friends directly, but you know, some of them are not of that kind and the relations from starting are not that to become so rude. (I am not so clever and don't want to hurt others feelings. Some people are so clever, that they answer by manipulating much, and ask as if I am their servant)

Now, I've to make new friends as I am changing my institute. Please guide me so that I make relations of that kind with my friends which allow me to spend time freely when out of studies and what should I do when someone try to control me and track me so that, along with humbleness, I could share my feelings also.

P.S.: I am talking of the friends with same gender.

Improve this question
3
  • 2
    Would you mind saying where you are from? Also, is there a reason you call these people your friends other than you share institute?
    – lucasgcb
    Jul 19, 2019 at 8:15
  • I am from Uttarakhand, India. They are my friends because I can't find people better than them. Also, they help sometimes. But here, I want to learn an important life skill, rejection or here it can be called how to keep privacy
    – Yash Mittal
    Jul 19, 2019 at 9:02
  • 2
    Do they ask all this much details only to you, or also between them?
    – user324
    Jul 19, 2019 at 9:04

2 Answers 2

Reset to default
3

The way you tell your story, it sounds like you are perceived has the "cool guy" who actually has a lifestyle and is a good student, among other students that are not as good as you and have no lifestyles, are bored and have no idea of what to do with their free time.

It's okay to discuss about future week-end plans or past activities. Maybe they want to know about cool places to hang out, interesting activities in campus, or good studying tricks to improve their skills and grades. But I admit it's weird to have to discuss about hourly details.

What I would suggest is:

  • About future activities: stay very vague or say that you haven't plans or that you will decide at last moment ("I'll see family", "I'll rest at home", "I don't know" ...).

  • About past activities: stay very brief, share some tricks but don't go into details ("I went to this cool place, you guys should try it someday", "I just stayed studying at home", "I've found this nice YouTube channel about our studying knowledge that help me to improve that skill" ...).

  • Return the question to them. Often, when someone ask you a question, they'd love to be asked the question back. When they'll be talking about them, you will not be talking about you. And if they have poor lifestyle and poor studying skills, you can still give them advice without revealing what you are actually planning to do, or did.

Improve this answer
4
  • 2
    Maybe is a cultural difference here, but I find the 'friends" very nosy and rude. The answer is pretty good but one important thing to keep in mind: they're not entitled to have any more information you're willing to give. If you don't want them to know, just don't give them the information and that's it. Do not feel obligated to answer just because they asked.
    – Juliana Karasawa Souza
    Jul 19, 2019 at 9:38
  • @JulianaKarasawaSouza, I agree that one should never feel obligated to answer. But according to OP, he still wants to make friends and specifically asked answers other than simply saying "no".
    – user324
    Jul 19, 2019 at 9:44
  • 1
    @JulianaKarasawaSouza I have a feeling the OP's definition of friend to be very "survivalist" construed. He doesn't seem to want to burn bridges, and I'm not sure how India goes but where I'm from (Brazil) shoving people off is seen as awfully petty, and while it may not be in essence, their reaction certainly is.
    – lucasgcb
    Jul 19, 2019 at 9:52
  • @lucasgcb Não estou falando para ele dar um corte direto e reto nos "amigos" rsrsrs é pra desconversar mesmo igual na resposta. Nevertheless, my advice is mainly centered on OP not feeling guilty about deflecting his nosy "friends". In Brazil they wouldn't be THAT intrusive in the first place LOL
    – Juliana Karasawa Souza
    Jul 19, 2019 at 11:08
0

During one period of my life I had to learn to deflect intrusive questions from classmates.

I deflected the questions by showing an interest in my classmates' opinions, experiences and personal situations, and bringing the conversation back to less nosy topics, for example, what was likely to be on the upcoming exam.

You might also want to try the Ann Landers approach:

(Smiling politely, but with some shock in your voice) Why would you want to know this level of intimate detail of my movements and activities outside school?

Improve this answer

Your Answer

By clicking “Post Your Answer”, you agree to our terms of service and acknowledge that you have read and understand our privacy policy and code of conduct.

Not the answer you're looking for? Browse other questions tagged or ask your own question.