How to start a friendship with a girl I have a crush on and rejected me, when we had a big fight and stopped talking

Question

I have a crush on a girl. We've had a big argument recently. It was her birthday a couple days ago, so I wished her a “Happy Birthday!”. She thanked me and I started to talk to her, stuff as “Cool, what did you do?”. However, she replied with “ur mom”, I misunderstood that, I did not realize she was trying to make me back off. After that, she removed me as a friend.

When I asked through a friend if she was angry with me, she said no, but she also said that I was talking to her too much. At this point, I was confused, because I've send her less than 50 text messages to her in total, and she often ends the conversation really quickly. Eventually, we started to really fight, becoming very disrespectful towards each other and worse.

I've decided to apologize a couple of days later. Two days after the argument, I sent a heartfelt video of me apologizing to her. In the video, I explained that I got frustrated and send rude messages because of that, and I have a problem of not thinking before sending those kind of messages. Following this video, she said she forgives me, but she also said she never wants to talk to me again.

A couple of months ago, I told her my feelings. She seemed to reply in a low-key fashion way. I'm over the rejection now and only wish to be friends, but I didn't realize she was trying to make me to back of, and as a result she maybe thinks I'm a bad guy. I just wanted to start a conversation with her, she always puts a stop to it very quickly. I want to be friends with her, but it seems that it's impossible now. She still me on Instagram and removed me as a friend on Snapchat, so I think there's no hope to start a friendship with her.

So I thought I would reach out here, see if anyone has had this situation before. I don’t know what to do right now, and I'm worry that everything I do is just making things worse. How can I open the conversation again with this girl to become her friend?

Answer 1

You can't.

A friendship needs two people willing to be friends with each other. She made it very clear that she does not want to talk to you (which means being friends with you), in a multitude of ways. When someone cuts a conversation short multiple times, it means they don't want to talk to you. When someone says you contact them too much, it means they don't like it when you contact them (and the amount of messages doesn't matter, if I didn't want to talk anymore after five, ten messages is too much). And finally she said that she doesn't want to talk to you again period, and blocked you on social media.

From the story you told us, here's what probably happened (based on personal experience and the experience of friends) : you got a crush on a girl, you got very pushy, didn't realize you went into her personal space and spooked her. When she tried to set boundaries with you, you didn't respect them, you kept pushing and pushing, which lead her to finally being very blunt and go to extreme measures (blocking you and telling you clearly to stop all communication). The attitude you displayed was also enough to not even be friends with you, and she'd feel more safe and at ease without you in her life.

Let her go. Contacting someone who doesn't want that contact, repeatedly, is harassment. It also doesn't feel good for the other person, it won't make them want to spend time with you. It will annoy them at best, scare them at worst. Anyone has a right to say "I don't want to spend time with that person." It sucks for the one being rejected, but there's nothing you can do. Trying and pushing more will only make things worse, for her and you.

So let her go and try to learn from this experience, to not make the same mistakes again.