What to do when another person believes that you are ignorant? [closed]

Question

I just had a conversation with my father about a job application in which they wanted to know if I ever had any traffic violations.

Now, as far as I can remember, I've never been busted for speeding; the only issue I've ever had was being pulled over a few times for not having a licence plate sticker.

When discussing this, my father said something like "that doesn't count, only moving violations count".

I told him that since I was pulled over, maybe it would count as a "moving violation" (never mind that the words "moving violation" was not even mentioned in the job application text).

He got really angry and said that I should know what a moving violation is.

I told him that I've never been pulled over for speeding as far as I can remember, so how would I know what a moving violation is?

He told me that ignorance is no excuse for not knowing the law and that I should know about this from talking to other people (the only people I've talked to who have said things about this have been drunk drivers I met in college).

I told him that I was sorry that I was so boring that I had never been pulled over for speeding or drinking.

He got really angry and said "don't think that I would want you to have been pulled over for drunk driving!"

I assumed that he wanted me to have done this because, in order to get any "experience" with that part of the law, that's what I would have had to have done!

I don't understand the situation or the anger on his part.

---

This does remind me of another story from my youth.

I was in the 6th grade. My teacher told me to give the names of the months in order. I hadn't learn that yet at that point, so I just told her I don't know the months of the year in order. I was yelled at and sent to the office!

What can I do about this? How can I handle the situation when dealing with someone like my father or a teacher at school?

Answer 1

As @WeaselADAPT said, the best thing to do is to use a combo of humor and patience. The smartest of people do stuff like this, and trust me, if you don't know about something, the best thing to do is learn about it ASAP, and admit that you don't know at the beginning of any argument :)

When you're faced with a situation like this, even if you don't see it coming, the easiest thing to say would be something like:

"Dad... I have no clue how this works... Why don't you tell me more about it?"

Sometimes, just saying a few flattering words will do the trick. The problem that often arises it that people have overlarge, inflated egos, which they have no control over. This ego is one of the biggest problems in all relationships and arguments.

If you ever want to avoid a situation like this, the best way to do it is:

1. I know you can't see it coming, but as soon as it comes along, take a deep breath, and smile to yourself internally. Don't dare smile at the person talking to you, as they might get angrier.
2. If the other person continues to pester you why you don't know something, keep quiet and give them a blonde smile now. This makes them realize that you really don't know about something.
3. Keep your mouth shut if the other party is getting more agitated, but try to keep the mood light, and not serious.

This kind of skill comes with practice, and if you get angry very often, meditation is a powerful way to keep the ego out of the fight. Remember, you don't have to prove yourself right everytime. Sometimes, it helps to just prove that you're a peaceful person... Just chill :)

Answer 2

If I'm understanding correctly, you asked your father a question. He answered it. You challenged the answer. He reacted defensively (people do that), and told you you should know the answer. You challenged that as well. He then told you a fact you didn't know (perhaps): ignorance of the law is no excuse. Then you threw in this response:

I told him that I was sorry that I was so boring that I had never been pulled over for speeding or drinking.

I wouldn't react too well to this comeback either. Instead of being forthright (which you had been till then), your answer was sarcastic.

I don't think it's easy for an adult to remember when they didn't know so much. Because I have a painfully good memory, I can remember a lot of the incredibly irresponsible things I did based on ignorance in general or ignorance of the law before becoming a real adult. Your dad probably doesn't, so perhaps he thinks you should know more than you do.

But mind-bogglingly ignorant? I don't get the impression that your knowledge base is responsible for this interaction, but rather how you reacted when you asked him for help.

If you don't want to appear "mind bogglingly ignorant", at the first hint of trouble, say, "thanks, Dad. That helps." Then start Googling "moving violations", "traffic violations", "summary offenses", "pleading guilty". You will soon realize that not keeping your registration sticker current is not a moving violation.

As a parent, I would have thought that moving violations were taught in driving school or the booklet you studied from. And the truth is that ignorance of the law is no excuse; that's actually true, and legally not an excuse. That's why it's important to know the basic laws of the land.

Your dad can cut you some slack, and you can (and should) rely on yourself more to figure these things out. After you've read about it and think you have it down, you can ask if you understand it correctly. If you have it mostly right, that's better for his opinion of you.

What your teacher did was unkind. People know some things and don't know others. To learn, you need to listen, not just challenge. then check up on it's veracity in private. If you don't ever want to appear ignorant, there is an old saying:

It is better to remain silent at the risk of being thought a fool, than to talk and remove all doubt of it. (Author unknown, but often miscredited to one of two learned med: Abraham Lincoln and Mark Twain.)

Answer 3

I will be straightforward here.

He told me that ignorance is no excuse for not knowing the law.

He is right. The judge won't accept your reason of "I didn't know that was forbidden" after you murder someone.

For me here is why your father got really angry. Because of how you responded.

I told him that I was sorry that I was so boring that I had never been pulled over for speeding or drinking.

Reply as such is kind of rebellious to me. You may not agree with what he said, but reply as such does easily trigger someone.

As for the second example, I think your 6th grade teacher are overreacting.

Adults have to bear responsibilities. Law is something serious and your father hopes you will understand the importance of it. Learn to accept others opinion even you do not really agree with. For instance, this can be avoided if you reply in a better/humble way

I never knew that. Perhaps you could tell me more about the moving violation?

Be appreciate and thankful when someone is trying to pass the knowledge to you. Trust me, you would not want to learn it the hard way.

Answer 4

Perhaps what you may be running into are people that think you are lacking showing initiative to inform yourself. While I understand that you may not have been taught the months, by 11 (which I was in 6th grade and most are), if you wanted to know, you were capable of knowing just by asking or looking. I homeschool my kids and they know months in order, but I never drilled them on it. They ask things like, when this or that will happen, I tell them, they show interest in tracking how far away that is, and checking to see how many days have passed since they last checked, etc. Likewise, by this age now, if you were interested in understanding traffic law, you would be able to find out what is and is not a moving violation. I would anticipate an adult would know what a moving violation is or a traffic violation. I've never had one either, but I truly don't think you should need to get a ticket for speeding to know this.

I am not suggesting people should be rude to you when you do not know something. I am simply saying some people will show more patience in those situations than other people will. I am one that can show lack of patience to certain people. I have a sibling that I have spent a lifetime being amazed by what they do not know. I can't even imagine why they don't know. I know I have lacked patience at times and I have even asked if we even grew up in the same family. I am just stunned at times by the difference in what I know and what they don't and can't fathom why.

Answer 5

Let's start with (to me) the most obvious thing. The second response, and he's mad at you? That says a lot - either something is really missing from this story, or you have a really crappy relationship. Your defensive response (apologizing for being boring) makes me think that you don't have a good relationship.

I don't see in your story where he called you "mind-boggingly ignorant". That also leads me to think that there's something going on here - either you are reading WAY too much into his responses, or your responses to date have shown a lack of knowledge that he expects. I also look at your response to Hamlet - there's something in there that implies your opinion on your life vs your father's. You even mention "inflated egos" and I assume you apply that to your father as well.

You're not going to like this, but I'm going to say it anyway: I'd recomment to start by showing some humility with your father, which I don't read here. I'm reading only defensiveness and a certain sense of having a better education. So he grew up "almost on a farm". I'd challenge you to take up farming for a couple months. How do you recognize when a cow is in heat, and what do you do about it? When do you harvest corn, and what strain do you plant? What do you use hay vs straw for? How many crops of hay can you get in a year in your area? When do you sell your crops? What is the difference between "A" milk and "B" milk, and what do you do to change the grade of your milk? Any person with exposure to farming would know this and why it's important. I don't know that you know it or not but the point is that there is specialized knowledge in agriculture as in any profession.

Enough of busting your chops and back to the question. Rather than getting defensive, a simple answer of something to the extent of "I honestly don't know" and moving on is simple and much better than an apology for being boring. In this case, even saying "you know, I am not sure about the law here. What is a moving violation?" would defuse some tension. No one expects you to know everything but being willing to learn helps you learn more things.

Answer 6

It may not be what you're looking for, but what you really need in these situations is a combination of patience and humor.

You know that you were not in the wrong in the situations you mention here, which means they were in the wrong for going off on you. Since both of these are authority figures, you couldn't really get angry back at them (or show them your anger), or you would lose a bit of that righteousness. But what else is there, right?

• Though it sounds counterintuitive, doing nothing at all is an action, and it is the correct action. Learning to be patient with these people will greatly benefit you – they are everywhere, and we all have to deal with this kind of thing on a regular basis.
• Also, while you won't want to laugh right in their faces (well, you might want to, but...), it could also be very helpful to learn to see the humor in these situations. As you're sitting in the principal's office, there's no reason not to chuckle about the absurdity of the teacher's response. Well, don't chuckle right when the principal is talking to you, of course.

These really are lifelong skills that will serve you every single day.