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I have decided to do my once per year attempt to not die alone this week that has passed. I decided to ask this nice looking lady that I know for coffee. The problem I have is that for some reason I don't understand women seem to think when I ask them for coffee that I either want to marry them or have sex with them.

This is not actually my intentions. All I really wanted was her time and her company, but she made it clear she did not want to be my girlfriend which was odd because I did not ask her to be my girlfriend and I cannot understand why she would think this.

To be honest, I'm not at the point in my career that I can consider a relationship. To be frank, I don't earn enough money for a woman. My father told me on more than one occasion that I should know the only hobby more expensive than women are children. I could afford coffee though.

I'm rather lonely and the company of a woman would be a very enjoyable spend of an evening. I don't expect or really want anything more from them than company and friendship, but I have a really hard time explaining that to a woman.

To be honest, if she just touched me I would have to do everything in my power not to have a panic attack right there on the spot.

I spend most of my 20s like a hermit and had long spells of agoraphobia that was hard for me to overcome. So it easy to say that social interactions are very hard for me.

It was very hard for me to talk to her at all, she is a strikingly beautiful woman, tall and thin and really looks like she could be a model of some sort. I went through weeks of internal strife before I got the nerve to talk to her.

I really fear the things that people might say. She decided to tell me some lark about her being too busy, but I don't know why she could have just told she was not interested.

I feel hurt that people would assume the worst of me. I'm not a bad person but when women assume bad things from me when they don't know me, it cuts me deep. I keep wondering if there is something about my personality that makes women think this.

I'm never going to talk to this woman again. Anything I say to her at this point would be futile and sound desperate. She thinks poorly of me and even though her opinion is not rooted in reality I'm still powerless to change it. I guess I should just make peace with it then. I just keep on wondering why people think this and what am I doing to make this a recurring theme in my attempts to understand the opposite sex?

The question is how do I ask women for there company and make it clear to them that when I ask them to coffee, coffee just means coffee? Nothing more nothing less.

closed as unclear what you're asking by OldPadawan, Johanna, Ælis, Em C Sep 2 at 14:41

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    Just as a thought challenge, if the reason you are doing this is for friendship and to have a nice time out, why does it have to be a single, nice looking woman? Why not a guy, why not an older couple, ...? – AsheraH Sep 2 at 4:54
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    I understand where you're coming from and why you specifically want to spend some time chatting with a woman; even if it's purely friendly with no intention (or possibility) of becoming anything more, there's still a different energy and a kind of validation in it that men don't get from other men. However, if your intentions truly are non-sexual, then why are you going straight for the hottest woman you can find? If you're not looking for a long-term relationship, why are you describing this as an "attempt to not die alone"? I suspect your real intentions aren't what you think they are. – Dave Sherohman Sep 2 at 7:23
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    About my VTC: my point is: if I were the woman, I'd ask myself "why does this guy wants me to go speed-dating?!" I don't now him, he invites me. What for? People read your moves and try to interpret them to make their mind up. Ask yourself what you'd think? Inviting someone once a year is more than weird. – OldPadawan Sep 2 at 7:26
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    And point #2 : "to do my once per year attempt to not die alone" = social life isn't a "once a year shot in the dark attempt", it has to be built stone after stone, step by step, day after day... People need to know you. Who you are, how you behave. – OldPadawan Sep 2 at 7:38
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    Hey there! Could you tell us what you usually say to women when you ask them out? Also, could you tell us what country you are in? Advise could change a lot depending on the culture. – Ælis Sep 2 at 10:51