One of my parents decided to pay for and renovate an old house with all of their remaining money (inherited, not saved by them). When this decision was made, I warned them that I thought it was a bad idea and that I didn't want to be a part of it.

Now, more than five years later, the house is still not done, and they don't have any money and have no job. The job part is not entirely their fault, because I know for a fact that they have been trying to find a job for some time, it is just that they are past 50 and have very few employable skills.

I cannot afford to pay for my family and have my own place at the same time, so I am living with them. I cannot save up because the renovations on the house, plus taxes/utilities, plus food for my parent and siblings (too young to work) are taking up all of my money. I desperately want to leave my hometown and advance my career, I desperately want to have my own place, but there doesn't seem to be an end in sight to the renovations or my parent's unemployment.

I don't want to just leave my parent and siblings as they won't be able to afford their bills, or food, without me. On top of this, my parent has been hospitalized for suicide attempts in the past, and I am very afraid that it will happen again (they are on medication and seeing a therapist now, but I have to continuously check or they stop).

When my parent asked me for help, I told them it was okay, and that they shouldn't have to worry about it. But the current situation is draining the life out of me. I don't have any close friends in my hometown anymore. I don't have any privacy or space.

How do I get out of this situation without leaving my parent and siblings to drown?

  • 1
    Hi there, welcome to Interpersonal.SE! I feel sorry for all the trouble you're going through. And I really wish that you find some solution. However, the site is all about understanding and improving interpersonal communication. Nobody on the site would be able to answer what you should do because that is something you have to decide. If you later need help regarding how to convey something to someone, feel free to edit your question.interpersonal.stackexchange.com/help/on-topic – anki Sep 2 '19 at 21:12
  • 1
    @ankiiiiiii Thank you, I posted this question as a guest and I don't know how to delete, otherwise I would. I misunderstood the purpose of the site. – anon Sep 2 '19 at 22:34
  • 2
    @anon, I think asking "What should I do?" is what is putting this question on hold. You are in a very tough position and I think your need is clear, perhaps if you replaced your last paragraph with your goal, for example "I want to find a way to support my family but without sacrificing my own future but I don't see any way to do that". Also, a few more details would be helpful. How old are your siblings? What conversations have you had with your parent so far? Are there any other adult relatives who might help? How large is your town? (larger towns have more resources available) – Francine DeGrood Taylor Sep 4 '19 at 14:21

Browse other questions tagged or ask your own question.