I’ve been with this therapist for almost a year with the initial purpose of recovering from an abusive relationship. A lot of other stuff in life (loss of job, sick parent, etc.) has happened during the period and she has been the main support for me living in this foreign country. We have built trust and attachment, which allowed me to open up and heal.
However, I had to move back to my home after a prolonged job search and things have been a bit rocky with her ever since.
We discussed the move and arranged the transition in the last 4-5 sessions. She said it would be better if I could find somebody I could meet in person. She also offered to do remote Skype sessions just like last time during my visit in my home country for two months to take care of my sick parent. When I finalize my job search and settle down in a new city, and she would transfer me to a new therapist if she could find any there. The last in-person session was good. We said goodbye. I could see she wanted to hug, but I was not ready for that. I wrote a short poem for her which I planned to send to her via a post card once I settle in.
Problem: However, the second to last session she commented something like I took more time than other people to process things. That comment was in sharp contrast with her previous encouraging and non-judgmental attitude. I was frustrated and said that “maybe I’m built this way!” But I was deeply bothered. I felt it was a breach of trust as we had dealt with similar conflicts before and she knew that blame is a strong trigger for me. So why was she doing that? Why the sudden change? Was she trying to sabotage the relationship because I was leaving? I planned to bring this up in following sessions but found it very difficult.
A more disturbing problem came up two days ago when we had the first remote session. I noticed significant change in her attitude. And I became very depressed afterwards.
In the beginning of the session, she complained about the audio quality, tapped her fingers on the desk while I talked, and said she didn’t know how she could be helpful for me. I felt rushed and dismissed but was again unable to speak up. I tried to pull myself together and talked about something related to the abusive relationship. She listened as usual and I felt a bit relieved. She said that we could talk more and I scheduled another session next week with her. She ended the session in a hurry without the routine of closing up.
Immediately the session I couldn’t get out of my bed for the rest of the day. I had really bad sleep in the last few days. I couldn’t concentrate and do my job search as planned. It was the first time I was actually much worse after meeting her.
I did some reflections and realized that this therapeutic relationship is coming to an end and I have been trying to avoid it. As much as she had helped me deal with my avoidance pattern in my previous relationship, this time she could not be standing by me any more.
I’m not sure if this remote therapy is going to do me any good. I’m saddened, hurt, resentful and scared of future sessions. I would like not to have the next session but a brief phone call or an email to let her know how I was impacted. A potential outcome of this conversation is to end the therapy for good. How do I bring this up?