I have a close female friend who I've known for a few years. We've been through thick and thin together, and have always been able to be open and honest in many different situations. For example, she has come to me to share her personal problems (family, relationships, etc.) whenever she needs advice, or for someone to just listen and hold space. We've butted heads a handful of times and have always been able to talk it out and move forward. For the record, she happens to be the same person I wrote about a year ago in this post, if that helps frame the connection we have built.
For the past month, she's been very distant. On one occasion, a mutual friend and I tried to make plans to hang out, to which she initially agreed to. She then disappeared and made no contact for a week before simply responding that she didn't feel like meeting up. At this point, I was more concerned about her wellbeing, since this is unusual behavior for her. The only other time I can remember her doing something like this was when I upset her a couple years back.
Another week passes by, and I had plans to have dinner with some of my other friends. The restaurant was nearby where she lived, so I decided to stop by beforehand and see how she was doing. We chatted for a few minutes, and she mentioned that she's been a lot busier at work lately. She also mentioned that she'll "get around to responding to messages", and when I asked her if I did anything to upset her, she said that wasn't the case. From what I got in the conversation, I was happy to see that she was hanging in there and wasn't terminally ill or anything crazy like that, and that she appreciated the friendly gesture.
Shortly after that, I was out of town for couple weeks for work. At one point during that time she messaged me and asked if I'd play some video games with her, but I couldn't since I was quite busy myself. Following that "vacation", I returned home and asked her if she'd care to meet up over some food and drinks sometime. That was over a week ago now, and she hasn't even read my message. It's clear that she is actively ignoring my messages, even though I've seen her active on other social media (we even view each other's "stories").
While I understand that life can have its way on us, I don't understand how one can be active on social media, but not have a minute to respond and say, "Sorry, I've been busy" or some other form of acknowledgement. This is the first time she's been strangely distant, but it's a reminder to me of how I feel like our friendship is uneven. I've always tried my best to be there, whether she needs someone to talk to or if she simply just wants someone to share a drink with. Being abruptly cut out of someone's life makes me feel used and not truly valued as a friend.
I've accepted the fact that for whatever reason, she does not want to talk at this time. My question then, is how can I communicate with her that I don't appreciate the overall state of our friendship, while not making it all about me? I respect her need for personal space, and I would like to frame such a meaningful conversation in a way that makes the focus on our friendship, not just me or her. I would also prefer to talk about it in person, so I would hope that she'd agree to meet up at some point.