The TL:DR is the actual heading. The rest is all backstory on why I am asking. I am asking if I can (or maybe even should try) to assist my spouse on becoming more self aware.
My husband and I were doing a quiz last night. Sometimes we do these. They are often just interesting. Usually we each do our own and then compare and contrast results. Tonight he wanted me to read him the questions and I would input the information. This was a very eye opening exercise simply doing it this way. I normally do not know what each answer is, only his "results".
To start off explaining, all questions had a 1 to 4 rating. 1 was "strongly agree" and 4 was "strongly disagree". Right out of the gate he told me he would only be giving me 2's and 3's because you either agree or you don't, and these were "clearly" yes or no questions according to him, that didn't require 4 options.
As we go through the questions, I was really dumbfounded by his answers. For an example one question stated that you look forward to social gatherings. He responded yes. However I have been with this man for 25 years and have dragged him to every event we have attended, with a ton of complaints, and often just left him home and went on my own when his complaining was too much work. They said something about liking travel, which he also agreed. That made me laugh because just a week ago I cancelled a trip that we were planning because he constantly tells me he doesn't want to go, and it was a trip to see his brother, whom he is close with. I have even tried to get him to go alone, thinking it was me or the kids that were the reason. He wasn't interested in going at all.
Then the best part was when the question was about seeing the world as very black and white without many shades of gray. He said no. The same man who wouldn't rate levels 1-4 because "everything" is just a yes or no, now says he sees "degrees" to things and could not understand when I was trying to explain to him that this was relatively ironic, given the refusal to rate each item, that now he thinks he is not prone to black and white thinking.
So my question now is, how do I find information on how to encourage him to become more self aware? I was always a little aware that he isn't aware of how he comes across at times. I have even in the past recorded him for the purpose of showing him that he can be gruff even when he isn't intending it. That seemed to help, but now that we did this 50 question quiz and I saw how he answered them and at a loss. About 80% of how he answered did not match up to what I would have answered on his behalf based on actual behavior. I am not claiming I was right on the way I would have answered all of them, but I know he was really not being real. At one point I actually thought perhaps he was messing with me until he became a little irritated at me asking if he was serious.
And if there is nothing out there that assists in helping someone become more self aware, then I guess so be it. I figured I could at least look. I did some of my own digging but didn't turn up much and most seemed to relate to workplace issue, not life. I am not even positive I think it is something someone can do for someone else.
For clarity, things are fine in my marriage. We get along well, and accept one another's quirks and such overall. It could always improve though and I do think him being more aware of his own "way of being" would help that. The other day for instance, I was talking on the phone making plans to go to an event. After I got off the phone he acted hurt I didn't ask him. I asked him if he wanted to come too and said that I would love him to come (I would). He seemed enthused about it (I was thrilled he wanted to come). Then, the following day, when we were supposed to go, he had not only changed his mind, but made it seem like he never really wanted to go in the first place. I hadn't asked him initially because usually he doesn't say yes anyway so sometimes I even forget him coming could be an option because I am so used to going to things alone. I wasn't upset, I am very used to this 25 years into it, I am just giving an example of "how he is".