I am a 20 yr old university student, pretty much matured.
The story begins 2 years ago when our uni new admissions was started, at that new batch I saw a girl and I've found her so attractive that I couldn't resist staring at her, it was just like she brings colors in my life. My Each uni day became a new day it was just something that was never happened before so called "i fall in love with her".

But there were some 'terms and conditions' of my religion which I couldn't cross and I am very strict to follow those obligations. My religion can't allow me to stare, follow, make unnecessary discussions or to make any relationship with her without marriage. Not because our religion discriminates between girls and boys but rather because it respects girls.

So I decided to focus at my studies instead of chasing her. In those two years, many boys came and went in her life. I knew they were all cheating on her, I literally caught them and I've tried to tell her indirectly many times. But the girl is very innocent, I am not pretty sure wether she didn't understand or she pretends she doesn't.

At that time I wanted to be married with her due to her innocence, prettiness and I feel something like that she was not like others and I do what I can within my boundaries. But every time I face failure i am a topper don't like that failure term but i face it.

My parents are pretty wealthy, where the girl was from middle class family. When I told my father about her he made a condition that he will marry me with her if I took gold medal at graduation. he was at my side but i think he didn't believe on early marriages I am from a that country where we have to follow the culture before taking those kind of steps and I can't go against him.

When I told him he was first very disappointed from me because I took that decision so early against his expectations, but somehow we had settled on that condition.

To meet that condition, I must sacrifice many of my activities and her. and I know I can get that gold medal at my graduation.

it was my final year but when it came to that far I found out something about her that she was going to be committed with someone else the guy of our university & i was not sure about it .

For that I created a fake Facebook account and confess to her,but now i think i had made a mistake but she didn't care much about it. Instead when she and her friends sees me they present a unpleasant laugh at me every time, just like she knows it was me. And since then she has started to meet more with that uni guy, which I don't really like.

she is everything for me & i respect her,we had a mutual understanding like she personally came to me many times to take my help at her final semester projects.likewise we had attended many uni competitions together and every time i appointed her my partner & we had won all of it,many times she also came at my house to work at the project.& every time she was doing fine.but after that passing that unpleasant smile,just like bullying me,was not acceptable. due to me she got all that applause certificates and trophies now that she was doing with me in return.

At one time I was so frustrated I thought to just go and just say at her face that "You are a bitch. You don't deserve a good, noble and innocent man, so what you are laughing at me or yourself", but i didn't do it because I respect her.

I am 6.3 feet, good looking, charming, attractive and everyone loves me I didn't know why she can't.

Before that I don't do anything wrong. i want some positive suggestions.how to patch up again with her

  • 1
    That's fine, just include which country you are from. This is something only people from your cultural background can really help you with. If you were from my culture, you would've already ruined your chances. Spare yourself the answers from people that don't know enough about your background. Also, please rework your text as I wrote, don't ignore that part. If you want quality help, ask a quality question
    – Raditz_35
    Nov 23 '19 at 11:43
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    I'm voting to close this question as off-topic because Interpersonal Skills are for interacting well with others. We are not going to tell you how to "teach her a lesson".
    – Em C
    Nov 23 '19 at 13:53
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    Our code of conduct clearly states no harassment, bullying, intimidation, direct or indirect threats ... which is what's implied by saying you want to "teach her a lesson". We have decided such behaviors that would violate CoC are off-topic for questions here.
    – Em C
    Nov 23 '19 at 14:06
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    Then edit your question to say that. You aren't exactly doing yourself any favors telling us you wanted to call her a slur even if you stopped short of doing it - that rather suggests that you are using the common meaning of the phrase. Just asking for "constructive suggestions" is too broad; you need to define a specific goal. See the help center. The answers below might give you some ideas on what goals: date? ask to marry? apologize?
    – Em C
    Nov 23 '19 at 14:23
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    Also what do you mean when you say "she is everything for me". You clearly don't respect her, even if you don't see it, because you wish her harm just because she is doing something you don't want her to do. But I am unclear on the "everything for me". I think if you rephrase your question or ask a new question it will help if you describe better what you mean with that.
    – Mykazuki
    Nov 24 '19 at 3:07

First things first: she doesn't need to be taught a lesson. She owes you nothing. She's minding her own business going to university, dating some people who are worthy of her and some who aren't, finding out who she is. You've built up a whole thing in your mind where you're going to marry her, so you're very invested in all this, but she knows nothing about it and she's not responsible for it either.

If you would like to date her, and perhaps be able to get her permission to marry her instead of just your father's, then you can try. She might not be interested, because she's been doing her own thing while you've been obsessing over her without really knowing her. If she's not interested right now, she might be later. But calling her a bitch and telling her she doesn't deserve you, or any other good man, just because she's not interested in you? That will guarantee she won't be interested in you if she breaks up with the current man she's seeing.

During university things are intense and change frequently. People date people, break up with them, date someone who they only thought of as a friend, find people they can't live without, then learn how to live without them. You might find someone to spend time with other than her and then be less obsessed with her. Or you might find a way to keep being amazing so that she becomes interested in you. But the moment you start to talk as though she owes you her attention and affection simply because you admire her, she is going to laugh and walk away. She doesn't owe you, and I am quite certain she would feel angry and bullied if someone told her that she did. She is a separate person from you who can make her own choices. If you want her to choose you, be someone worth choosing, not some angry entitled name-caller who demands what he thinks he's owed.

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    I really like your answer. I think you could add something about his statement that "she is everything for me & i respect her". I am not sure how she could be everything to him, when the second she does something he doesn't like he wants to teach her a lesson and wish her harm. Or call her names.
    – Mykazuki
    Nov 24 '19 at 3:04

First, this might be a bit of a 'western' look on things, but:

Stop thinking you need to teach her a lesson.

She is not your property, she's not a dog, she is a human being with the same rights as you have. You have crush on her, good for her. But just because you have feeling for her, doesn't she automatically has feelings, or the obligation to have feelings towards you. I'm sorry, but it appears to be that the feeling isn't mutual. That is not something that requires a lesson.
I don't agree with your "teach a lesson" philosofy, should I now teach you a lesson and call you names?

You have some more growing up to do

You say you are mature and there are a few things in your topic that indicate you're going in the right direction. Restraining yourself from calling her names is a mature thing to do, discussing it with your father is too and asking for help is something that some grown ups still haven't learned, so that's also very good.

You also mention some things which I would consider "room for growth". The way you describe her is very superficious. You also describe yourself very superficious. You could've highlighted some personally traits you are proud of, but instead you add length?

Attractiveness, pretty, innocent behaviour aren't personality. She could listen you music you hate, have basic core principles that don't match yours, or you two could simply not be a match for eachother, that happens.

You have to learn to look past those things (and usually, thats a part of continueing to grow up), and focus on the inside. Beauty doesn't last forever. Would you rather have a girl you might not connect with personally but looks pretty for a few years, or a partner who is your friend, who can enjoy the things you enjoy?

Be honest

This continues on the "growing up" part: Creating a fake facebook account and use that. How would you feel about that? I'd feel cheated, not taken seriously and can understand that with her friends she might laugh about it (and not saying it's friendly, but it's not a unusal way to react).

Instead, you need to find a way to talk to her and be honest. RESPECT HER BOUNDERIES. And I mean really respect her, not your version of it. Forget you have the right to get here. Accept that "no" can be an answer and be prepared to accept that.

How to proceed

I'm unaware of you religous bounderies, so you need to account for that yourself, but I suggest you have a talk with her, privately. Keep it simple and appologize for the Facebook mistake. Then, don't sell youself with all those traits, don't try to convince her with some set of reasons. Instead, try to create a normal situation, more like friends; "I would like to spend some time with you and get to know you". Again, see what happens from there.

Be prepared it could be a no

But I hope that when you spend some time together, you might create something interesting :)

  • i can't date her,due to our religious restrictions.she is everything for me & i respect her,while writing that post i became unconscious that's why i didn't able to present the situation like the way it was.we had a mutual understanding like she personally came to me many times to take my help at her final semester projects.likewise we had attended many uni competitions together as a partner & we had won all of it,many times she also came at my house to work at the project.& every time she was doing fine.but after that passing that unpleasant smile,just like bullying me,was not acceptable.
    – freak
    Nov 23 '19 at 13:52

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