13

Just as the title suggests, I tend to say the first thing that comes to my mind.

It's not really that I talk too much, more that some things I say appear to be 'random' or a bit offensive/awkward, even though I didn't mean them to be.

I tried to 'think before I speak', but whenever I am relaxed, I forget and do it again.

To clarify, they are more often awkward than offensive. I would like to avoid the awkwardness caused because of this.

  • Why do you want to change this? That will help guide a meaningful answer. – enderland Jun 28 '17 at 16:07
  • Well, what can I say... It's awkward ? – user145 Jun 28 '17 at 16:09
  • 1
    might it be that you have ADD? I wouldn't call my self extrovert, but I know this behavior and narrowed it already down that it is caused by my ADD – dhein Jun 29 '17 at 12:51
10

Please focus on being positive.

There are two questions that popped into my mind as I read your post.

  1. Why do you need to reply so quickly?
  2. Why do you have to say something negative?

Barring any medical issues, these appear to be just habits that you may consider changing.

How about this for a suggestion to get started. Make sure your first comment is always positive. By that I mean, when you are in a conversation, say to yourself "If I say anything, it will be positive". Find that positive thing, and then work it into the conversation. If you develop this habit, it should start you on your way to negating the two things above. If you work at the positive, then you will give yourself more time to rethink any negative kneejerk comments that immediately pop into your mind.

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3

I always ask myself whether what I want to say will contribute to the conversation or whether I just want to insert my two cents without a good talking point. If in the first category, then I find a way to work it into the conversation, but more often than I would like to admit, the answer is in the second category and the comment does not need to be said.

The awkward/offensive comments will mostly fall into the second category and if you ask yourself this question you will stop saying these aloud and eventually it will become habitual to ask yourself this question any time you speak.

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1

It sounds like an impulse control problem and this might be overkill as an answer, however -

If you are serious about changing your behaviour then it could take some time and effort. I'd start with keeping a diary of your emotional state within social situations and recognising which emotional states and which social situations are more likely to create the behaviour that you don't want.

What you are looking for are early triggers. Things that will mark this type of behaviour within you in advance giving you an opportunity to change your patterns.

Then you can start with dealing with the problem - if you recognise that it is an emotional reaction or reaction to stress then you can look at stress handling methods, emotional regulation methods in order to take control over your choices and actions.

Or perhaps it requires a more mechanical method like ensuring you count to 3 in these situations before saying anything. But once you know your triggers it is easier to put yourself in this mode where you question what you say without having to be in that state at all times. You learn to catch it early.

I am definitely not a therapist, and if it is an impulse control that is effecting your relationships or creating undue stress on you then it may be worth talking to a Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) practitioner. It has handy methods around impulse control and choices

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0

I used to do this sometimes and I find that generally, instead of loudly making a some somewhat clever insult/suggestion that would offend someone, I just stay quiet until I have something reasonable to say. They say that silence is golden or whatever. When I am not speaking, I find it easier to pay attention to the conversation and then I usually come up with a better point then my random somewhat funny, but, offensive insult.

The only side effect to this method is sometimes you just really wish certain people who won't stop talking could shut up.

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0

I've benefited from a strong sense that anything that I say might be wrong. (Often, that is, in fact the case.) That hasn't prevented me from saying the wrong things, but it has probably slowed/reduced the rate of occurrence.

You seem to be getting that sense as well. If you could integrate it in your consciousness, as I have, it might dampen your eagerness to respond, at least "immediately."

If something is worth saying, "tomorrow is another day," as Scarlett O'Hara would say. Another way of looking at it is "what you don't say, you don't have to apologize for" (or feel awkward about).

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