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I have a friend who is recently married. My friend loves both her husband and her brothers. Frequently, she goes out with her husband and her brothers for a movie night or shopping. During these occasions, she laughs with, talks to and enjoys being with her brothers. The problem is her husband is not comfortable with that. For example, multiple times, her husband has argued that she loves her brothers more than him.

The severity of the situation is so high that their relationship is being affected. When he told her he was uncomfortable with it, she responded by silence, and also for a while, she didn't hang out much with her siblings. But she started again. The most recent wife-husband conversation they had, was like husband talking and wife listening.

My friend wants to know how to initiate a conversation with her husband about his discomfort with her relationship with her siblings and how to come up with a solution together?

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    Is the husband jealous when he's present or in general? You know, mothers often say "you will always be my little baby" no matter how old the child is. Similar for siblings, your friend will always be "little sister" to her brothers. And maybe her husband have different expectations on family relationships? Maybe he feel THEY are the new family so ties to the old one should be weakened?
    – SZCZERZO KŁY
    Dec 12, 2019 at 14:13
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    How's his relationship to his own family? And how does he react when she hangs out with (male or female) friends?
    – Llewellyn
    Dec 12, 2019 at 21:15
  • Did this jealousy also exist before they got married?
    – Erik
    Dec 12, 2019 at 22:33
  • @Llewellyn his relationship with his own family is troubled, maybe cold at best.
    – user3405291
    Dec 13, 2019 at 5:40
  • @Erik yes, jealousy existed when they were engaged.
    – user3405291
    Dec 13, 2019 at 5:41

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The husband needs to figure out what his problem actually is.

Typically, a husband gets jealous of his wife hanging out with guys due to "competition", but these are her brothers. I honestly hope NOBODY in that circle is having trouble with incest...

Moving on... the husband is still jealous, now what?

He needs to know what he is jealous of!

Is it because they seem so intimate and wife is so happy and he doesn't match up?

How would you solve that?

Does the husband want his wife to have horrible brothers instead? Or does he also want to be like the brothers and make her just as happy?

If it is the latter, then he needs to learn from the brothers, not be jealous of them! They have multiple decades head start on what the wife likes, so he should be making friends with them! The brothers will never try to step in and replace the husband, so it is the perfect learning situation.

Figure out what is triggering the jealousy without blaming "the brothers" or "the wife", and propose solutions. The husband seems to lack the social skill set to figure out interpersonal problems, so this is a good problem to tackle.

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