My girlfriend and I have been having sex for a while now, but I guess she wants to start experimenting in bed. I'm not sure if it's because she's bored or if it's because she just wants to let me experience more things with her. Recently, when we were intimate, she moved as if to perform oral sex, but I didn't know what she was doing at the time so I stopped her. Later she explained what she wanted to do, but she hasn't tried to do it again after that. I think I scared her from trying to do new things because I freaked out a little.

We're in the US and we are both girls. She is older than me.

How can I broach this subject so that we're both at ease (so that I don't get surprised and she doesn't get dissuaded from future attempts)?

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    Please let me know if there's anything I should change or add to improve the question. Or submit an edit and I'll accept it.
    – temp
    Jan 9, 2020 at 2:18
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    Hi temp! I put your question on hold because hygiene good practices isn't on topic here and because we can't say what you should you/whether you should do the same to your partner because we can't tell you what to do. If you can think of another question like "how to bring the topic of oral sex with my girlfriend with whom I've never tried it", that could be on topic here if you provide enough details about your relationship and why you think simply approaching the subject wouldn't work. If so, please let us know, and we'll work on an edit together. I'm here if you need any help!
    – avazula
    Jan 9, 2020 at 6:17
  • @avazula Oh ok. This was more about the standard etiquette than general hygiene. The help center "Find out more about…" thing made it sound like it was on topic.
    – temp
    Jan 9, 2020 at 12:08
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    although questions about sex are welcome here, I'm afraid it'd be extremely difficult to agree upon general sex etiquette, because that's a very personal and intimate thing and heavily depends on communication between the people involved. I might be wrong here but I don't think there's any rule on whether you should "return the favor" because that entirely depends on what your partner wants you to do/what they want to do to you. However, if the question example I mentioned is interesting to you, that's something we could definitely help you with.
    – avazula
    Jan 9, 2020 at 12:16
  • @temp I've made quite the edit to this so that it's more on-topic. The wording has changed rather drastically, so please feel free to edit it to conform to your intentions. Jan 9, 2020 at 14:44

1 Answer 1


As with any interpersonal intimate (not only sexual) relationship, being clear and honest in communicating is the key. Try to tell your partner what you wrote here, communicate what you want and what you are afraid of. Ask you partner for same: what are they afraid of, what they want to do.

This is what me and my partner had to go through in order to figure out personal preferences in bed. It is very annoying, kinda awkward, to sit down, and lay out what you feel/want and listen to your partner. It is also vey hard not to lie ("it's okay don't worry about it") but beneficial in long run to be truthful.

There is some information about personal hygiene, but be careful. Best is to ask your doctor if you have some serious concerns, not ask strangers on the Internet for an advice on personal health questions.

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    Hello there! We require answer here to be backed up by personal experience or external sources. So, could you edit to tell us a little more about why you are suggesting what you are suggesting? Why is it the best way to go?
    – Ael
    Jan 9, 2020 at 10:01
  • While I mostly agree with aaaaa, I also understand that it can be awkward talking about sex stuff with your doctor. If you're looking for a way to avoid that, it's probably possible to dance around that subject by just asking about how to better clean there, and then ask whether there were any concerns about applying that elsewhere if it wasn't obvious whether their recommendation would involve anything that would be toxic orally. But if you can manage it, it's probably better to be direct with your doctor, too.
    – Ed Grimm
    Jan 12, 2020 at 21:51
  • That link was helpful. I can't ask my doctor directly about sex stuff since my mom is usually waiting in the room, but I might be able to get some general information like what @EdGrimm suggested.
    – temp
    Jan 13, 2020 at 22:56
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    @temp "Um, Mom, would it be OK if I just saw the doctor alone? I normally really like having you available to help, but I know you can't always be right there. I think it would be better if my first time of not having you right there was when you could be in the waiting room, so if I do really need your help, I can run out and get you." Or something like that. This is as close to as I can remember of what I said the first time I felt the need to talk to my doctor about sex stuff.
    – Ed Grimm
    Jan 14, 2020 at 0:07
  • @aaaaa-says-reinstate-monica My partner said there's not really any health risks since neither of us have any STDs and that we can just take a bath before if I'm feeling embarrassed about anything.
    – temp
    Jan 17, 2020 at 1:44

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