About two weeks ago, I reconnected with a second cousin of mine. She was visiting with her family, and although our two families are close, I never had the opportunity to really communicate with her (we live in two different countries). She seemed really eager to reconnect (she said so herself) and we started talking after she left.

The problem is that when I text her, it takes her up to a week to respond. I know that this isn’t because she doesn’t want to talk, but because she is very busy in school and doesn’t have so much free time.

My question: how do I get her to respond to my texts and continue this relationship - knowing that she definitely wants to but is very busy - without coming across as pushy or nudgy?

  • 3
    "out of sight, out of mind"... are you sure this isn't the case here? I ask because you seem so affirmative about that (she wants to stay connected). I mean, sometimes, in person, people commit to doing something, and then, as soon as you go or some time has gone, you know...
    – OldPadawan
    Jan 13, 2020 at 8:21
  • 7
    Why do you feel the need to get a response so quickly? Are there time-sensitive questions/issues you need an answer to?
    – AsheraH
    Jan 13, 2020 at 8:58
  • @OldPadawan I’ve edited the question- thank you
    – Maslin
    Jan 13, 2020 at 13:36
  • A lack of response speaks volumes. You cannot know what she thinks, only what she says...and does or doesn't do. Apr 21, 2020 at 23:28

1 Answer 1


It seems like you are both on a different pages when it comes to "response etiquette" which is normal. Some people respond to a text within seconds and others it takes more time, even weeks in your circumstance. I have a feeling it is less about time-sensitive questions/issues you need an answer to versus wanting to continue a healthy 2-way correspondence, especially with a relative you want to have a relationship with vs. just trying to get information from. This isn't some random colleague you need a report from! It can be hard to not take it personally, so don't beat yourself up!!

Rather than using just text, have you thought about reaching out and setting a specific date and time to connect via facetime/whatsapp/zoom or even a phone call? Even if it is two weeks out? If you have a set date and time (even better, a calendar invite!!), it would help you both to meet in the middle. Even if it's just 15 minutes. Anyone can carve out 15 minutes in a day.

Best wishes to you! It's always great to connect with family!

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