I had a date with a girl. This was a first date. We were in a restaurant in a city centre. As she lives on suburb we agreed that I'll drive her home after restaurant. I left a car 15 min from the restaurant. So I kissed her during a trip to the car. When we arrived to her home I kissed her once again and touched her a little on her legs and she went home.

I'm pretty sure that she likes me. I'm sure that on second date I'll take her home or something. Usually I take a girls home even on first date so there is no situation like this.

The question is how to determine if a girl is willing to invite me home on first date or how to ask her about this without looking rude?

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    There must be signs, like (un)told words, body language, smile, looks... But these have to be read when they happen and won't last long. Plus: they may change from time to time, and be different according to who does/tells them. I'm not sure we can read those signs, especially from here, in our little corner on the internet, and hours/days later... It's really personal.
    – OldPadawan
    Commented Jan 13, 2020 at 9:40
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    Usually you can tell by a question "Would you like to come in?". Which is what would I advice to say if a girl was to ask "how to tell a person I would like to invite them home after a date". Commented Jan 13, 2020 at 10:09
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    Hey there! In what country are you? What makes you think that this person wouldn't just invite you in if she wanted to invite you?
    – Ael
    Commented Jan 13, 2020 at 10:17
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    Given this date and your previous ones, what makes you think people won't invite you home if they're willing to do so? While we can help you with understanding e.g. non-verbal communication, it would help a lot if you could include the necessary details about whatever non-verbal signs you did pick up on (across both dates where you did end up going home and ones where you didn't). Also, the question would likely do better with a location tag, and some info on what you usually do that's succesfull but didn't /won't work here.
    – Tinkeringbell
    Commented Jan 13, 2020 at 10:17
  • @Ælis I'm from Europe. I can tell a country but I think it is not important as it works in all European countries the same(Austria, Germany, France) Commented Jan 13, 2020 at 10:32

1 Answer 1


I don't think there is a crystal clear answer to determine whether a date wants you to come home with them. This is a very tricky situation because if you read the signs wrong, it may be understood as you're violating their consent and/or you make them feel unsafe ... which clearly isn't your goal and could end up very badly.

TL;DR: Don't assume anything from body language - ask! Asking can be very sexy.

As for every topic that is about intimate relationships and sex there is no etiquette on what to do, as those things solely depend on the relationship between the people involved. There is no such thing as "they let me reach the check so they want to have sex with me" or alike. So if you want to wait for them to ask you to come with them, what I'd suggest you to do is to ask. Don't wait for signs or assume things, it's too dangerous for both of you. Next time (whether it's with this person or on another first date), you could say something along the lines of:

Hey, I had a really great time tonight. I'd like to get to know you more, if that's okay for you too. Do you mind if I come over with you?

Say it while smiling. Don't make it a big deal if they refuse: 'oh okay, no worries. Have a great night and see you next time then? :)'. Pushing it would look creepy and if you let it go, they'll know you're a person they can trust and be safe with.

Saying this will make it clear you want to come to their house, but it doesn't make it clear you want to have sexual relationships with them (I assume that's what you want upon reading of your comments). Remember this: nothing is sexier than consent. If they invite you to come over and things go well, you talk and laugh, make it clear what's on your mind. There are numerous ways of conveying your desire (and I'm not very talented to make it look sexy/romantic), but plain honesty would work here too:

I'm having a great time and I feel really attracted to you right now. Would you like to continue this conversation in the bed?

Say it with a soft voice and a wink. If they want the same thing you do, they'll be thrilled by the proposal. If they refuse, again, leave it alone, and let them know it's okay. There's way much more to lose if you force them.
I know that in many European cultures, the man is expected to make the first move when it comes to heterosexual relationships and that may be pressuring you. This is your shot!

Asking is the safest and best option to convey what's on your mind. Back in college I had a friend with whom I've went to a party and who walked me home after. We talked by my door and then I said goodnight and went to bed. The next morning, his friends were mocking him and I had no idea why. They explained me that they thought he was a loser for walking me home and not getting laid - I had no idea he wanted that. He never said that to me. And I wouldn't have felt safe if he forced his way through the door either. So I'm gonna say a terribly trivial thing for a site that's about interpersonal skills but yeah - communication is key.

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