My and my flatmate's friend (also my best friend's brother) got into a heated argument with his family shortly after returning from working abroad, and decided to permanently move out from the family home. He has some savings, but no education or experience and likely won't find a well-paying job in my country any time soon.

Having nowhere else to go, he asked me to stay with my flatmate and me for a few days until he finds a place of his own and a job, which has now turned into almost two months. My flatmate and I are making good money so we can comfortably afford a home with rent higher than the average salary in the country, and while the apartment is spacious, it is still an incommodation, one reflected in our personal and professional life. We tried helping him find a more permanent place to stay, but he is quite picky.

He found a job as a cashier at a local supermarket and agreed to pay his share of the rent, which I hoped would make him more enthusiastic about finding a more affordable place, due to prohibitively expensive rent in our neighborhood. Instead, it only caused more friction (he is generally becoming more and more difficult person to live with), he's visibly exhausted and constantly grumpy as he works overtime and weekends, still not earning enough to pay his share of the rent, forcing him to take away from his savings. While he kept looking for a place to stay, I'm suspecting he plans to stay with us until the end of May, as he got an offer to go back to work abroad during a tourist season.

If we asked him to leave immediately, I am sure he would, but we don't want to burn any bridges. Still, we cannot accept this steadily escalating situation to go on much further.

How should we approach him to push him to move out, without ruining the relationship we have with him and his brother?

  • 3
    Welcome to the site! You say he asked to stay "for a few days" originally - how long has he actually been there? What do you mean by "friction" due to the rent? It might help to tell us more about that conversation (depending on what you said, maybe he currently thinks that it's fine for him to keep staying there as long as he pays? is he actually paying his full share and just complains about draining his savings, or not paying what he agreed to?).
    – Em C
    Feb 16 '20 at 19:03
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    Hey Mirac! In addition to what Em asked for, you also state that if you asked, he'd leave, but you don't want to burn bridges. This seems a bit contradictory, can you explain why asking someone to do something they seem willing to do would burn a bridge? Also, there's a lot of background about your flatmates, but only 2 sentences about what the problem with asking him to move out is... Can you include more about what you've tried/thought of trying and how that's problematic?
    – Tinkeringbell
    Feb 17 '20 at 8:45
  • Hey Mirac7, welcome to IPS! Would you be fine with asking him to leave before the end of the month/next month? If so, why just telling him "you can stay here now, but you need to have find a new home in one month" won't work?
    – Ael
    Feb 17 '20 at 9:57