Me and my wife are married for almost 10 years. One thing that bothers me is that my wife makes a lot of plans but never finishes them, and this puts a lot of financial and mental burden on us. Some examples:
- We bought an old house that requires renovation. I suggested to do a small-scale renovation, but she had plans for a much larger scale renovation. She said that she will plan everything using Autocad and we will have a wonderful house. I did my best to encourage her and help her e.g. to learn Autocad. But for three years since then, every week, she had a different reason for not progressing with this plan. Some weeks it was a real reason, such as her parents being ill. Some other weeks it was just her playing candy-crush. In the mean time, we did no renovation at all, and had to cope with a lot of recurring breaks and fixes.
- She does not work but said she wanted to start a sewing business. So we bought machines and materials and dedicated a part of our bedroom to this stuff. I supported her and encouraged her to proceed with this plan. But again, for three years she postponed this from week to week, each time with a different reason.
My main difficulty here is that I have to work on two plans in parallel: one is the "imaginary plan", e.g. the large-scale renovation, which I try to support with enthusiasm in order to encourage her; but I also have to make a "real plan", to prepare for the more realistic scenario in which she will not proceed with the imaginary plan. The real plan I have to do on my own - I cannot share it with her since it will break her dreams.
Another difficulty is that, whenever she tells me "I will do X", I find it hard to share her enthusiasm, because I am almost certain - from past experience - that she will not do it. But if I tell this to her, it makes her sad and she says I am unsupportive. What can I do?