I (male) am in my early twenties and so is my current girlfriend, we have been together for close to a year. Up until recently, our relationship has been mostly problem free.
However, some days ago, she has mentioned to me (while we were talking about sex but without me asking her about this directly) that the best sexual experience she ever had was with an older man who she only had intercourse with once but who remains one of her friends that she talks to every couple of weeks. She quickly added that she does not and never had any romantic feelings for this man and that she does not consider him to be more physically attractive than me.
This has been troubling me immensely (maybe unreasonably so) the past few days because I feel that this comment was unwarranted and hurtful because she also did not offer any explanation as to why I do not provide the same level of satisfaction, denied any obvious physical or emotional explanations I suggested and reacts dismissive or even offended when I try to bring this topic up again (i.e. "I don't like it when you're insecure").
I have an uneasy feeling about this particularly because for me (and so I assumed almost all women), sex and love are strongly connected such that I fear that she might not be as emotionally attracted to me as I had thought.
I would like for her to stop talking to this person because they do not seem to be very close anyways and until she offers an explanation I feel like I will otherwise start suspecting that there was (and maybe is) more going on between them than she wants to admit to me.
What I would like to know is the following:
- How can I make my girlfriend understand why this has hurt my feelings?
- How can I tell her that I would prefer if she did not stay in touch with this friend without coming off as controlling?