[UK] I recently discovered that a girl I had been seeing a few months ago is pregnant and has decided to keep the baby. I've told her that I'm having no part in it. I won't be signing as the father and will not make it easy for CPS to claim any money (all she has is my first name and phone number). As far as I am concerned this is her choice, I am not ready for a child and can not afford either the money or time commitment. In the even that I am found, how can I best explain to my child that it was the mother's choice to raise them without a father? I have no rights to say what happens with my child so I refuse to participate in this system. Should I instead change my phone number and pray for the best?

I am aware of strong opinions on this issue so please refrain from morality based answers. For me personally this is a legal issue and it is this that has informed my decision.

  • this is simply a legal issue this is IPS.SE, and strictly legal issues are definitely off topic here. From your question body and title it does not seem to be a legal issue, it looks like you're looking for validation for your choice here. If that is not the case, consider editing your question
    – Magisch
    Mar 2, 2020 at 10:20
  • Legal issue, not a moral issue. The question relates to how I explain what I have detailed in my question to my future child, which is IPS territory. Mar 2, 2020 at 10:22
  • explain in what way? Your future child is going to have moral qualms with what you did, not legal ones. If they have legal qualms you're going to hear about them from their attorney, not directly. Any conversation with your future child about this is going to be primarily about the morality of your actions, I think.
    – Magisch
    Mar 2, 2020 at 10:23
  • Hey James! Interpersonal Skills are about behaviours people use to interact well. But for a question about interacting with a specific other person, we ask people to also include some information about that person. Given that the child isn't even born yet, it's hard to figure out a good way to explain this to them, since you can't tell us anything about how e.g. they think of you and what the specific problem in your interaction with them is. In short, this question seems too hypothetical given that the other party doesn't exist yet.
    – Tinkeringbell
    Mar 2, 2020 at 10:23
  • 2
    I hope this site is still around for a long time, I really think it best if you ask when the problem is there, not when the baby isn't even born yet, so you can write a question that has all the necessary details for people to help you. Right now, it's too unclear what we'd be helping you with, except justifying your feelings on this matter.
    – Tinkeringbell
    Mar 2, 2020 at 10:25

1 Answer 1


A good friend of mine does not know who her father is. Her mother never told her. She is now over fifty, her mother died years ago, so she will never be able to answer this question. And during her life, this question was really important for her.

I can only tell you that this has been a burden on her for all her life. Her single mother was not able to raise her, so she grew up at her grandmother's. She was a lonely child and has been suffering from depression and anxiety issues for years. Her life would have been different had there been a father. Not a perfect, wealthy father, but an existing father. Knowing where you come from is an important factor in mental health. And I think if she met her father later in life, she would not be able to take any excuses like "I was not ready". She hates her non-existent, unknown father, and she always will.

Maybe you are not ready for a child. But this child is certanly not ready to grow up without a father. Do you really want to destroy the life of a child, even before it is born? This is a chance for you to get ready for life, and in my personal opinion you should take it.

...how can I best explain to my child that it was the mother's choice to raise them without a father?

Is it, really? I think it is your choice, too, and you should be honest to yourself.

I know that this does not answer your question. But it is something you should think about before you reject all responsibility for a human being.


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