I have a brother, 17 years old. He never likes the school. He doesn't do any homework, repeats courses, and he remains the same. He doesn't eat well, and only wants to talk with their friends. I've asked him many times if he has a life plan or goals but he only gets angry and doesn't answer me. Of course everyone goes through for this. Me too, but I did assume my responsibilities because I knew they were mine, but I don't know what is happening with him.

I want him to stay good in the future, and make him understand to take his own way and responsibilities, but I don't know exactly how to do it. Maybe I'm overthinking this, but I really want to help him.

How can I make him to understand this? I want to know if this is a right thing to make him understand. Does this have to do with puberty?

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    Have you considered that, as grimm as it sounds, your brother is depressed because he sees the world around and, maybe, think there is no future to him? For him you only expect from him, not listen to him. May 4 '20 at 8:49
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    @SZCZERZOKŁY my mom and me everytime tell him to make it task, sounds lot possible May 4 '20 at 14:37
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    And it also sounds like nagging. "do this, do that" what for? "to stay good in the future"? What future? what is "good"? I don't see any talk, explanations, just demands. May 4 '20 at 14:48
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    @SZCZERZOKŁY but he knows its needs to be made, so i explain him every time how much important its strive and do things, and i think is something important to learn May 4 '20 at 15:04
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    Did your brother intentionally take on any of these "responsibilities," or were they just put upon him? Did he go to school because it's mandatory or because he chose to do so? If he didn't ask for the responsibilities, why would he embrace them?
    – Markell
    May 12 '20 at 0:05

This is a difficult situation to tackle. I had similar problems with one of my friends. The most important thing is that you do not show your brother that you are frustrated from him. I know you must be very annoyed by his unchanging behavior but if you want him to change, you'll have to have a relationship with him that can inspire change. Why would he give up a bad habit if he's repeatedly told that he does everything wrong and creates trouble for himself and everyone (I know you don't say it, but this might be his self-talk).

If you try to start a conversation which seems likely to end up in unsolicited advice (to him). He might not listen a word. Try to engage in conversation with him with a good mood (even fake would do), and get him into speaking with you more as a friend. I am not saying that he'll get moved by one such session. But if you keep trying and somehow manage even one single true talk with your brother like I had with my friend, He'll try to change. But remember not to talk it out in a serious way and end up giving him advice or something stressful to think about. You might not know that he may have already tried before but failed. Change is a hurtful process, isn't it.

In my case, I managed to help my friend with his irresponsible behavior and currently he's doing great. His change has even inspired me at times.


I've asked him many times if he has a life plan or goals but he only gets angry and doesn't answer me... but I did assume my responsibilities because I knew they were mine...

First of all, what makes you assume it's your responsibility? It's not your or anybody else's responsibility to change him. Actually no one is responsible for changing other people in this world. At his age, he is kinda immune to any "good" advice. He can change only when he realizes by himself and then he will decide to change. Otherwise even the enlightened being couldn't make him change.

Secondly, no one likes to be told what to do or what not, because chances are they know exactly that's what they should do. Especially in those rebellion ages. (You know what I am talking about.) Are there no ways to do something about it? Yes, there are ways, very subtle ways.

For example, instead of talking or advising or educating him, you can influence him by being a role model. But never ever show off. Otherwise it would disgust him. Do what you can do the best in your own life: eat well, study well, make good friends, etc. He will notice it, or probably he is watching you the whole time, who knows. And slowly he will be inspired to change his life too. But it's all up to him, no one else can change him but himself.

I believe that, intelligently he has no issue understanding what's best for him. Most of the time, it's all because of his old habits. Those habits keep propelling him to do those stupid things. How he formed those habits? That's another issue. But to get him out of his habits take enormous courage and self awareness. Still, it's not what you can do about it. It's up to him.

If you feel that you must do something, you could try reading some books, which are full of insightful and life touching stories, while he is eating. But, do not sit beside or in front of him to read. Sit behind him somewhere in a distance. Reading in a volume that he can hear you but don't read it aloud. When you read it, make sure you really enjoy reading it to yourself. (The worst practice would be, he thinks you are reading the books to him.) When he is eating, knowingly or unknowingly his whole system is in a relatively open state. That way something could subtly and magically happen to him. It won't happen over night though.

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