I have a younger brother who is 19. We don’t have anything in common. I’m a quiet person and don’t like to talk about irrelevant things. My brother doesn’t understand that I’m different, he thinks I am a cold, emotionless person. His main way of building relationships with people is talking about irrelevant things, like what kind of furniture do I want once I have my own place. My main way of building relationships is just spending time together, talking about the person’s life, giving them advice if they have a problem.
Anything we do together (movies, etc.) has to be on his terms. We can't watch movies I choose, because he finds them boring. He has told me on many occasions that my life and hobbies are boring, that no one will ever like me, and that I don't know what real friendships and real relationships are. I don't take any of this seriously.
I am fine being alone, but he constantly needs me to keep him company and spend time with him. The only time I have to myself is when he is busy on his phone. He loves to talk and keeps asking me irrelevant questions. Every once in a while, he asks interesting questions like ‘who do you look up to in life?’ but no matter what I answer, my answer is always wrong.
Six months ago, we took a family holiday to a remote, rural place where there was poor internet connectivity, so he was on my case 24/7 asking me to spend time with him, watch movies with him (always his choice) and so forth. I had my own things to do, and in the end I got so annoyed that I flat out refused and said I just wanted to be alone.
He was very angry with me, and for the next few weeks he just ignored me. If I tried to speak to him, he would say something like 'you wanted me to leave you alone, so why are you talking to me now?' I thought it would blow over, so I didn't argue further.
After the holiday, he returned to university which is in a different country from where I live. I messaged him every few days to ask how he is, how his classes are going, but he ignored my messages. Again, I didn't say anything because I thought it would blow over. But we eventually reached the point where he had been ignoring me for more than 2 months.
I asked him what the big deal was, and he said my actions had made it clear that I don't really care about him, and that we don't have a real sibling relationship. He felt my messages were automatic, my questions boring (questions like how are you doing, or how do you spend your free time). He felt I was just keeping in touch with him for the sake of it.
My parents tried talking to him, but he refused to listen to them, and they eventually stopped because they were afraid he would cut them off as well. It has now been 6 months since the initial argument, and he is still angry. I haven't done anything wrong but he doesn't see it that way. I never thought he would still be angry after more than 6 months.
Apart from this, he has never shown any interest in my life or my problems, even since before the argument. I didn't realize it until now, when he started complaining about me. In fact, when I was away at university, he never bothered to message me or even speak to me on the phone, because he was always busy doing something else that was more important.
I keep messaging him every few days in the hopes that he'll see sense, but he's still ignoring me. If we talk on the phone, he either refuses to speak to me, or says hello and leaves it at that.
During group video calls with our parents, he's occasionally mentioned minor problems he’s having, like a subject that’s hard to understand, and when I give him advice, he makes some snarky comment about how that won’t work. Basically, anything I say is wrong. A few weeks later, I’ll find out that he actually followed my advice, and it solved his problem, but he'll refuse to admit it was my idea (he genuinely seems to forget that I was the one who suggested it). This has happened several times now.
Should I keep doing what I'm doing, or try something else? I just want to resolve the argument. We don’t need to be best friends or anything, but he should at least talk to me.
