Okay, so our coaching has a discussion forum for all members to post questions related to our studies. The group is on Telegram, where I'm registered with a gender-neutral username and a profile pic of a dragon. Most people there assume I'm a guy (I'm not) and I find it okay. There are VERY few girls in the group, and most of them don't chat either. The problem is I texted one girl privately, wanting to ask for help, but she called me out publicly in the main group chat telling me not to text her and blocked me. I think she did this because she thought I was a boy, trying to hit on her or something? I am quite embarrassed and want to clear up:

  1. that I was not hitting on her, and
  2. I just needed help.

I want her to take the message down so that my teachers do not think bad of me, also I realized I should have not texted her.

I'm not sure if clarifying my gender would help. How can I apologize and ask her to take the message down?

If it helps, most people are between 15-17 years of age except for two teachers.

Edit: Some useful context:-

  1. This was the first time I texted her.
  2. I want her to delete the message because some people in the group react quite horribly and tease a lot.
  3. The group is not moderated by teachers. They just help solve the doubts.
  4. I have already apologized to her both in private and the group chat. I thought she'd take down the message after that, but she didn't.
  5. I do not know who she is IRL. I have no other way of contacting her except through the group chat.
  • Hey Micelle, how sure are you about the reason you're blocked, and could you explain why you want to contact someone that blocked you? Does the telegram group have moderation, do the teachers get involved there too? Have you considered other options besides contacting the one person that's upset enough with you to block you, and if so, why did you think those won't work?
    – Tinkeringbell
    Commented Jul 8, 2020 at 18:37
  • 1
    @Tinkeringbell because this was the first time I texted her, privately or publicly, and I want to contact her to tell her to delete the public message.
    – Micelle
    Commented Jul 8, 2020 at 18:43
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    @Tinkeringbell I already apologized to her both privately and in the group. I thought she'd take the message down after that but she didn't.
    – Micelle
    Commented Jul 8, 2020 at 18:44
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    No the group isn't moderated by teachers, but the students sometimes do make a huge fuss and call out quite horribly. I want to avoid that.
    – Micelle
    Commented Jul 8, 2020 at 18:45

1 Answer 1


Interpersonal skills are the behaviors people use to interact well. You're blocked, that's the other person putting up a boundary. Respecting that boundary is the interpersonal skill that you could and should use to save face.

You've apologized to her in two places, presumably the rest of the group can see the apology you left her there. Leaving her alone is the best thing you can do for your image towards the rest of the group. Have healthy interactions with the rest of the group, don't gossip about what happened or complain that it's unfair that message is still up, and they're likely to forget about it soon. Respect the boundary, the block, and don't contact that person further. If anyone asks you can be honest: you made a mistake, you apologized and the boundary is clear and you're respecting it now.

I've had people online try to claim they're the victim of things I do, the best way I've found so far to handle that is to ignore it. Any attempt at telling those kinds of people they're not the victim, or that they're lying, has never ended well. Usually, I don't even have to stand up for myself, third parties step up to meddle whenever these people insist on forcing an interaction with me, because they can see the lies, they know I'm not like that. Healthy interactions with the rest of the Telegram group will likely have the same result for you, though the only variable here might be age. Your group might be a bit less mature than the groups I've had these experiences in.

If people block you, or ignore you, the best you can do is offer them the same courtesy. I can say that there's nothing more annoying than someone that keeps trying to force an interaction, after having violated your boundaries and you blocking them. Let her make the first move if she ever wants to interact with you again.


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