Being a people pleaser obviously has negative connotation. Is trying to be more likeable the same thing as people pleasing or is it something that one should strive for? Just trying to figure out if there is a difference between the 2.
No, actually they are quite different.
People-pleasing involves (visibly) giving up your own needs, in an implicit "contract" to earn reciprocal emotional obligation.
Being likable, however, involves a different set of behaviors:
- Making others around you feel liked, "seen," and appreciated for who they are
- Being a comfortable presence
- Seeming trustworthy (e.g. keeping your word, telling the truth, being, or seeming to be, authentic)
- Being a positive presence in the room you're in (while staying consistent to the previous point)