Being a people pleaser obviously has negative connotation. Is trying to be more likeable the same thing as people pleasing or is it something that one should strive for? Just trying to figure out if there is a difference between the 2.

  • According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, People Pleaser: a person who has an emotional need to please others often at the expense of his or her own needs or desires. Trying to be more likable is a vague positive aim but is not the same thing.
    – Nadeshka
    Jul 25, 2020 at 19:17

1 Answer 1


No, actually they are quite different.

People-pleasing involves (visibly) giving up your own needs, in an implicit "contract" to earn reciprocal emotional obligation.

Being likable, however, involves a different set of behaviors:

  • Making others around you feel liked, "seen," and appreciated for who they are
  • Being a comfortable presence
  • Seeming trustworthy (e.g. keeping your word, telling the truth, being, or seeming to be, authentic)
  • Being a positive presence in the room you're in (while staying consistent to the previous point)
  • 2
    In fact, most people don't actually like a person with a doormat personality. A people pleaser may be convenient to have around, but that doesn't make them likable.
    – Llewellyn
    Jul 26, 2020 at 13:55

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