CW: potential transphobia
I'm a cisgender bi male, but I identify as broadly speaking gender non-conforming (GNC) and often dress in more effeminate men's or often outright femme-presenting outfits. I had gathered the courage to go out into bars and other social events (before Covid made those impossible) with some of my most femme outfits, mostly just to socialize and get more comfortable in that skin. I got approached by four separate men who clearly thought I was a women based on their use of "girl".
While I am flattered, this has brought up something that's been festering in me for a bit. I know this is an issue for trans people as well because it is a topic of debate on whether, when, and how someone should reveal they're trans in romantic and/or sexual situations. But I'm a cis male, so I feel like the issue is slightly different for me.
I dealt with those men by telling them upfront, in a single sentence saying "Thanks, but I just gotta say just to clear things up, I am a guy" while turning up the masculine voice a little bit. I couldn't think of anything else, but I feel like this just ruins the mood for everybody and doesn't really completely clarify that I'm not trans (given the common stereotype of "traps" or the feeling that I'm intentionally trying to bruise their masculinity), which runs the risk of creating high discomfort or even danger for trans people they might meet later on.
I'm wondering how and when I should clarify to these probably straight men that I am male without doing any of a) making the situation really awkward, b) diminishing my chances with them romantically if they turn out to be actually bi/pan men through interrupting a situation wrongly c) importantly, giving the wrong expectation to these men about actual trans people's preferences about revealing their gender identity in the future d) settling into an weirdly long or overly formal lecture. I find it difficult to decide on good way to bring it up that can fit into a casual flirty conversation, where the other party has a chance to both reject respectfully, switch to a less flirty mood or keep going without it being a permanent sticking point.
Am I overthinking this? Maybe. Might it be impossible for it not to be at least a little awkward in our society? Probably. But it is kind of lowering my confidence wrt femme clothing for when I get into social situations like this one again, so I figured it was worth asking.