I met up with a friend I hadn't seen in a while. We went to a couple pubs downtown. From the amount I saw him drink, I don't think he was drunk, though I guess I could be wrong. It seemed he tried to take issue with lots of things I said and tried to pick fights.
For example I said I started a new job. He asked what happened to the old one. I said the contract ended. He asked why it didn't get renewed. I said they were going to replace me with someone with different skill set. He asked why I didn't learn new skills.
He also said "it occurred to me I don't know much about your past? were your parents divorce? why? how do you think having a dysfunctional family affected your upbringing?"
I felt that he was putting words into my mouth and being so blunt it was rude. He also accused me of being a bad listener. When I asked for an example, he told me about a time months ago that he told me he was having a bad day, and I didn't acknowledge it enough and changed the topic. While I'm sincerely sorry this happened, I'm not sure if it's fair to bring it up months later. Also at one point I asked him to repeat something and he said "you see, you aren't a very good listener".
In the end I had to walk out on him. He kept his composure very calm and collected, but the words he were saying, I found to be bullying.
I don't know what I did to piss him off or what his problem is. I'm not okay with just forgetting about this. I need an apology or explanation as to what exactly he meant by all this. I would like him to know if I don't get an apology or explanation I'm not interested in having anything to do with him.
First of all should this be done by phone or text? I am sort of leaning towards text as that gives him more time to think about a response.
I'm thinking of saying
Hey Bob. I know you were telling me you were doing me a favor but I can tell you I felt offended by the way you were speaking to me. It felt like an interrogation. How do I know this won't happen again?
Each time I told him I found the way he was speaking offensive, he told me I was not taking feedback well and being defensive. A part of me wonders, how do I know if he's right?
I think my friend may have been watching healthygamergg on YouTube (who gives psychiatric advice) and was trying to copy him.
Awhile ago my friend told me he did a 12 step program for marjuana and alcohol. I had no idea it was a problem for him and he said it wasn't really but he wanted to be preemptive about it. Before we went to the pub tonight I expressly asked if he was ok being around alcohol and he said yes. He also saw a psychiatrist before. I was under the impression all of this was in the past. I find this complicates the situation further because I normally give people with a mental illness or disability extra slack and know to take things they say with a grain of salt. At the same time, if someone's being abusive I think it's important to set a boundary.