How to get close to a old friend, who dosen't look that good now

Question

I had a really good friend (let's call him X). We were the kind of friends which teachers would call inseparable.

We went to the same school, the same private tuition and then hung out for some time. We were practically apart only when we were sleeping or doing homework (that can't be done together).

Last year we had a group of 5-6 students, who attended the tuition in our slot. We all got very close over time and became good friends. There was a girl too in that group. She was very pretty, and X had a crush on her. They met on Facebook and eventually got in a relationship. I was happy for him...but we spent no time together anymore, barely an hour a day, and in that time he used to talk about her. I mockingly used to ask him to just stop talking about her, he did. I never complained, and made most of the time we had.

Things got out of hand when he was close to flunking out of class. (We were straight A students, sorry for bragging.) His parents found out about them, and gave him another chance. Next time, he barely passed the exams, so parents made sure they never met. They still talked once in a while on borrowed phones. I was always there for him, but he never appreciated that I still supported him. He never wanted to see me anymore, and this time I was annoyed.

We talked sometimes but not like before. A few days ago, he called me at 3 in the morning about how he feels towards life and it has no meaning for him. I sensed the situation and tried to console him. We were on the phone for like 2 hours.

I am worried for him. How can I make things right again? Basically, how can we start hanging out again just like before?

For reference I am a 17 year old Indian.

Answer 1

I've been in a situation where I was a good student going a bit bad and threatening to drop studies because of depression. I have a mental illness which usually strikes in teenage and spike in early twenties. While I am unsure if our two cases relate since little is known about your friend real problem, I believe I can advise on a few pointers on how to help.

I would first advise to take the case seriously. Depressed people are hard to care about and capable of the worst. Sometimes the cause is a difficult breakup, difficult situation in the family, sometimes the cause is inner like mine.

Provided you can't send him straight to a professional, the important thing is to be there where he needs like you did on the phone. Isolation usually worsen depression. Altered self worth might make him feel he doesn't deserve your attention, try also to offset this feeling by recalling him from time to time he counts for you.

The remaining is more hypothetically helpful, but it could also be more efficient if it lands well.

If you know his family well and believe they can treat the situation in an adequate manner you could also warn them something is going wrong. They could on their turn also try to break isolation. Be careful to not break your friend trust doing so, however.

You could suggest him to see a therapist if such things are adequate in your culture and are practicaly accessible. I know that many would take offense for being suggested that so take some care choosing your words; try to relate to undeniable facts that lead you to believe he could benefit.

Among the activity you could do together, sports can also be helpful in fighting negative thinking.

This is what I would have benefited from, in some of my worst periods and I hope it can help you taking care of your friend.