0

I get annoyed with this. People start conversations with flattery like:

you have got this, you have got that you cover 360 degrees.

which I know is flattery with ulterior motives. I get irritated with this. I can't avoid the person as they are a close relative.

How to better handle the situation? How can I make sure that I communicate it in a better way?

5
  • To add to the question,should I respond to these sentences or ignore them and start conversations by asking questions on something else – Sashidhar Pegallapati Oct 3 '20 at 15:19
  • 2
    I would avoid the multiple questions and also the "should I" part, so that your post isn't flagged or VTC'd. – OldPadawan Oct 3 '20 at 17:37
  • 4
    Who and where starts conversation like this? One single person? And what does this mean? Does some request follow? – guest Oct 3 '20 at 22:02
  • 3
    Communicate what in a better way? You also mention "people" in one part and "the person" in another. Is this multiple people or a single person. What do you think the ulterior motives are? – Kat Oct 4 '20 at 5:38
  • Hey there, I'm not sure I understand the question. What exactly do you want to communicate? That you don't like being flattered this way? And you say that you want to "better handle the situation", but better handle it compare to what? How did you handle it before? – Ael Dec 17 '20 at 8:20
1

I usually handle it like this:

Examples:

Engagement: Well you can do that because you are very strong it's probably genetics etc etc...

My Answer: Well you can get strong too, It is all a matter of training .. anyone can do it really...

Engagement: ..its because You've got this and that, you a lucky and I'm a disgrace blabla...

My Answer: Well I've got this and that because I sought for it, or would say that my faith in God has always helped me, and if you don't believe god well just think that you are a final product of the whole universe at this point and you've got all potential to change and get this and that, don't depend on luck, depend on your faith in God ( or yourself, vibration, universe.. )...

Engagement: You are very smart you can handle these computers stuff, I wouldn't ever be able to do that blablabla...

My Answer: Well, Once I was just like you, I didn't know anything about computers, then step by step I searched for the basics then I scaled up.. but I still am constantly learning...You have to feed your brain with whatever you want to know...

I think you get my point right ? Basically deviate from flattery by putting yourself down, saying you are just a normal person, you've got this and that because you've done this and that...I am like this because I worked hard to be liked this you can do it too... etc, putting yourself down, and the motivating the other person by telling she is just like you and just needs to seek whatever she wants and not give up..

0

The answer may vary depending on the type of relationship, so consider this general pointers:

Regarding the ulterior motive, if you feel like you are being approached with a dishonest question, you can always address this in a respectful manner. More specifically, you avoid being disrespectful if you phrase these things based on your reactions, and not on the other person's behavior.

Furthermore, we can never be entirely certain about the other persons motives, and this way of addressing things leaves the possibility open for others to give their perspective on things. They may have good reasons for acting the way they do, even though it doesn't seem that way at first glance.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/I-message

The general formula is to describe:

  1. The situation as objectively as possible
  2. Your own thoughts/feelings
  3. A better alternative (if possible)
  4. End by asking for feedback (if you want it)

A strictly hypothetical example of the formula above could be: "When I am asked for things (1), I feel like I am being taken advantage of (2). If you actually want me to do X, I'd appreciate being asked in a more straightforward matter (3). What's your opinion on this (4)?"

Remember you are in your full right to say no. The exception to saying no - and perhaps considering a compromise - is if you have received several favors from this person in the past.

Your Answer

By clicking “Post Your Answer”, you agree to our terms of service, privacy policy and cookie policy

Not the answer you're looking for? Browse other questions tagged or ask your own question.