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Background:

I have this acquaintance I have known for quite some time (approx. 2 years) over that time and he has grown to hate me. I have personally reached out to him to know what's wrong and he told me that I have disrespected his boundaries and made him uncomfortable one too many times and says he does not want to be my friend. That's that, we have reached an agreement and we both don't what to have friendly interactions with each other in any way shape or form or to be friends ever again. He is not willing to forgive me.

Problem:

The thing is we both share the same interests and we often both go to the same events (like twice every week), we have people there who are both close friends of me and him. Therefore it is impossible to avoid each other when I hang out with my friends. When we both show up, I feel awkward, he feels awkward, and any conversation he has with my/his close friends, he pretends that I don't exist. So it comes down to taking turns to who gets to talk to the group of people and often or not he hogs the spotlight. I feel that this interaction is unhealthy and we should acknowledge each other in a neutral sense but that's not the case, he doesn't want anything to do with me. This situation also extends to our group chat. So my question is how can I remedy this awkward situation if we both can't get away from each other? There's rarely other events where my friends go to but not him.

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  • Another thing I want to add is that he occupies a majority of my friends time in the group chat by doing stuff together, so its even harder to find time where my friends are free for us to do something together and bond.
    – AnonymousT
    Oct 5, 2020 at 14:50
  • Were you not taking part of the together stuff before the situation or it is since you don't go anymore ?
    – Fanie Void
    Oct 5, 2020 at 15:29
  • We've done stuff together within like the first 2 months since I've met him, now he excludes me from any get togethers with his/my friends. Given how things went over time.
    – AnonymousT
    Oct 5, 2020 at 18:35
  • Is he the one organizing ? And none of your friends asked why you were not here anymore ?
    – Fanie Void
    Oct 6, 2020 at 7:57
  • The events I described in the question are public and where me and him meet most of the time. He only excludes me from personal events where he hosts (understandable, he @'s specific people in the group chat instead of everyone now). My friends don't really think whether or not I get invited the his get together, they know what's up.
    – AnonymousT
    Oct 6, 2020 at 12:49

1 Answer 1

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I had the same situation when I was still student with a group of friends and friends of friends. One of my closest friend (lets call her Mary) had a problem with a guy (Ben).

The story behind it was absolutely stupid, but Ben wasn't able to forgive or forget, and was even badmouthing Mary behind her back to the rest of the group.

Mary immediately tried to explain to everyone what happened with her point of view (so everyone knew the two sides). The majority didn't care about it, but knew. She didn't talk about it after, only if someone else mentioned it.

At the end, Mary acted as if Ben was not here the majority of the time, and was polite with him in other situations. She let the story go, even if he did not.

So...

I would recommand talking to someone else of it, one of your closest friends for example, to have a third party to calm the situation. This friend could also help you feel less left out in the group.

You have as much right as him to be with your friends. Be polite and neutral to him. That would show your respect to his choice of "no friend anymore", even in situations where you two are in the same place.

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