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Like most people with ADHD, I suffer from constantly changing jobs and financial problems. I'm trying to get a prescription for ADHD medication. so I can have a stable career.

There are a couple of problems:

  1. I live in a miserable country in the Middle East, which I can't find this kind of medication unless I import them.

  2. Our currency has been devalued a lot, so it's prohibitively expensive for me to import these medications.

I have an uncle who lives in Europe, and I wanna ask him to help me with this. I'm a timid person, and when I ask people for something, I get uncomfortable, which shows in my voice. Plus, I don't want to appear selfish, manipulative, or abusive. I want to pay him back.

How could I ask him in an empathic and implicit way so he would help me?

In my previous request, I just asked for what I wanted; he didn't give me a "No." he said he would help me, but he just ignored it after a while. And to be honest, I didn't follow up with him either. Maybe I should have followed up with him. My impression is perhaps I just sounded selfish to him.

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  • Hi @mahmood! Have you asked this uncle for help before, and was there then any sign that he thought of your requests as selfish, manipulative or abusive? Could you include how you made such requests in the past? If you've never tried asking him for help, how have you considered doing so? What would you have said and how, and what about that do you think he'd consider selfish, manipulative or abusive? – Tinkeringbell Feb 27 at 10:30
  • How much is this medication in Europe? Would the price and your relation to your uncle qualify as a present for birthday or whatever else? – puck Feb 27 at 11:18
  • As I've said, I'm a very shy person, and I'm usually polite to people. I have asked him probably two times before, but he didn't do anything for me. I didn't ask him in a specific way. So, my impression is may be I sounded selfish to him or resented him. So, I thought maybe this time I ask him in a more empathic way. I wondered if anyone could help me to use emotional intelligence with my request. – mahmood Feb 27 at 16:05
  • I'm sorry, @Tinkeringbell, It seems you have reasons for closing this post. What should I put in my question, so it gets open again? – mahmood Feb 28 at 9:17
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    FYI, @mahmood, adhd medicines are extremely tightly controlled in the United States and and I imagine most parts of Western Europe. It's unlikely he can get any for you. You might have a better chance in a neighboring middle eastern country. – Austin759 Mar 4 at 4:46
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I have also experienced a lot of hesitation when needing to ask for help. I was in a quite desperate situation when I lost my job in 2007 due to the recession. I hadn't spoken with my parents for a very long time, and the only relative I had nearby was my cousin. I didn't know what to do. I didn't have an income, I couldn't find a job, and I didn't have a place to say. My most desperate solution was to contact my parents and ask to move back in with them while I looked for a new job. But I didn't want to do that. The next best thing was to contact my cousin and ask for help. My cousin and I were decent friends, and we liked each others' company. Still, I am very timid about needing help. I spoke with him a few times, and simply mentioned that I was in financial trouble; I didn't directly ask him for help. He didn't understand what I was trying to say. More and more time went by and I was going to be kicked out of my apartment because I wasn't paying my rent. Finally I decided that I really, really needed help. I called my cousin and explained my situation - I even cried on the phone - I told him how I was nervous about asking for help, and I tried to do it indirectly before... It turned out very well for me. My cousin was happy to help me, even though I knew that it was a big request. He even asked me why I was so hesitant. He said that if I was more clear about it sooner, he would have just helped me without any problems.

It turned out that I was making a mountain out of a molehill, and that's my advice to you: Instead of worrying about what my cousin was going to think of me, and how he was going to respond, I could have just asked him and gotten it over with. When a family member asks for help, it's less important that they sound "selfish", and it's more important that they are in need. You know what I'm saying? If you really need help, then you really need to be clear about asking. That's what worked for me. If the answer is yes, then you can relax. If it's no, then at least you've cleared up the situation so you can begin thinking about a different solution.

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