1

I was dropping off a gift for my friend yesterday. When we talked about where I could meet her, she suggested a place where it's easier for me to find, but I actually know the entrance of the building where she lives, so I said I'm happy to deliver there so it's more convenient for her. After that, I realized I've met her in person a few times before and she walks a little bit differently than most people (we never talked about that before). I really didn't mean to imply that when I said I could deliver there, and I didn't see her feel uncomfortable. I begin feeling bad because she is a very good friend of mine. I want to avoid possible misunderstandings, although she knows I'm always being respectful and I'm not a native English speaker so my language expression might have some issues. Am I overthinking too much? Or is there something I could do to make up in this case? Thanks!

5
  • Did you say "I actually know the entrance of the building" and share the thoughts you've shared here, or did you only say you would be happy to make things more convenient for her? Sep 29 at 19:41
  • @Kate Gregory I said both.
    – IGY
    Sep 29 at 19:42
  • You say 'you didn't see her feel uncomfortable', then ask 'is there something I could do to make up'. What do you have to make up for? Is there a specific problem here, or is there not, what do you need help with? Also note that whether or not you're overthinking isn't a question that's on-topic for this site: See our help center; there's a part in there about questions asking whether something is rude/racist that goes for this question too: Focus on the interpersonal skill you need to resolve a specific problem, not on asking whether there is a problem/misunderstanding in the first place.
    – Tinkeringbell
    Sep 30 at 6:38
  • Was there a misunderstanding? If so, what was her reaction that made it clear to you that there was one?
    – Tinkeringbell
    Sep 30 at 6:43
  • 1
    You are probably overthinking this, unless there were further conversations on where to make the delivery. If she insisted on the place she defined and you persisted in delivering to her building, that would be an issue. Sep 30 at 17:08
4

In my experience, it's normal when you drop something off to someone, to drop it off directly to them. Your friend kindly suggested a place she thought was easier for you, but you're familiar with her building, so her building or the suggested place were the same to you, so you said you'd be fine dropping it right to her building. This is all perfectly normal and fine.

You appear to be worried that your friend will think you chose the typical and normal thing even though it was more difficult for you, just because she walks differently, and that if she does think that, she will be offended or embarrassed by you choosing to be kind and spare her some trouble.

I have had times when I could not walk far, and so have many of my friends. These have all been temporary situations, which may make a difference, but even when the friend explicitly said "walking is hard for you and I can drive to spot A as easily as B, so let's use spot B if it's less walk for you" I didn't feel offended. I felt grateful that someone was thoughtful. This is completely different from "walking is hard for you so I didn't invite you to our picnic" or "walking is hard for you so I didn't invite you to come over and play board games."

I don't expect your friend is worried or upset, but if you think she might be, you could always say to her something like this:

I've been mulling about the other day when I dropped off [that gift.] You were kind enough to suggest [spot A] and I kind of over rode you and insisted on coming to your house. I hope that wasn't too pushy of me? I suggested it because I know the building so it's easy for me to get to.

Then listen to what she says. If she tells you that it was a little pushy, you can apologize. If she says it was fine and think no more about it, well, think no more about it.

0

Not the answer you're looking for? Browse other questions tagged or ask your own question.