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I've recently (in the past two weeks) entered a relationship with a girl I've been dating for about two months. We, so far, seem to be pretty compatible with each other and I'm happy.

A little background: I'm a recent college graduate and she is a senior in a difficult, time-consuming major. In addition to this, she has a couple of chronic illnesses that flare up from time to time and can cause issues.

Due to both of our busy schedules, during the time that we were dating before we became official we didn't text a lot - usually just to set up dates and the occasional text about something random. We would regularly go for a couple of days without talking to each other.

I feel like we settled into that communication pattern (although the frequency is much better than it has been.)

Now that we're in a relationship, I'd like to talk to her more between the times that we get to see each other. How do I bring this up to her in a way that respects her/my schedule and doesn't come across as needy or clingy?

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    Have you already tried other ways to increase the frequency of communication between the both of you, like perhaps 'just' starting a spontaneous conversation more often? What happens if you do try, or why are you 'jumping' straight to having a conversation about talking more?
    – Tinkeringbell
    Oct 18 '21 at 15:56
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    I have through text and she's been responsive/engaged. I'd honestly like to start having phone conversations but she's difficult to get ahold of through phone Oct 18 '21 at 16:14
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    Is this solely a question of frequency or is there also a concern about the level of depth of your conversations?
    – AsheraH
    Oct 19 '21 at 4:23
  • Have you tried planning a phone date the way you plan a face to face meetup, or did you just call randomly and hope she had an hour to talk?
    – Erik
    Oct 19 '21 at 7:23
  • @AsheraH - solely an issue of frequency Oct 20 '21 at 12:53
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Hi, I feel like we settled into that communication pattern but I wouldn't mind spending a bit more time together, what do you think?

Sometimes simple is good :) If she responds positive you can offer some suggestions:

  • Date night - a fixed night to do anything (movies, dinner, bake cookies, ...)
  • Regular breakfast/lunch - If you have an overlapping break you could use that to eat together. you both eat, might as well watch eachother munch.

It's not a big deal, you like spending time together, don't make it a big deal. It could very well be that she feels the same but doesn't know how to ask either.

It could also be that she likes the current scheme and doesn't feel the need to increase it. Some people are more individial than others. And my suggested question offers room for an answer like that. That doesnt mean she doesnt like you, some people need to "warm up".

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  • "Hi, I feel like we settled into that communication pattern but I wouldn't mind spending a bit more time together, what do you think?" Don't you think it is a very formal way of communication?
    – kavigun
    Jan 23 at 9:00
  • Not really. Depends on your tone and posture. The important part is that you're clear and leave room open for the other persons views
    – Martijn
    Jan 24 at 10:08

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